Stick Around

A tourist takes a photo
Of a picture in frame
On a wall
Captures what's been caught
And sees just what she wants inside it all

I would take my own
But I can't help but see the things that fade
While I'm looking at a shadow of a shadow
Of all the things I've made

But even shadows fade
At least that's what I thought
I'd know for sure if I'd been out in days
Or just pulled the blinds
Let some light inside
To see if you're okay

All of these big plans
And I let them crash
Like waves to foam
Now I'm sleeping on a couch
While all my friends turn houses into home

And it's not like I don't miss them
When they say, "We haven't seen you in a while"
It's just to me what feels like inches
To them must seem more like I'm off by miles

There I go
Thinking catastrophic thoughts
While a man who's dressed in white speaks monotone
"We'll operate"
Cut away the parts that ail me
'Cause there's something wrong
I feel it in my bones

And like ivy grows
I am wrapped up in this moment
Something beautiful makes dust from out of stone
And the cracks they show
From this devil on my shoulder
Speaking words with weight
I hear him he goes

This is failure
This is freedom
This flailing in a sea of your decisions
If I believed I'd start to make my peace with
Oh no, where would I begin
I lay back and let the drugs work
And I'll think of you
When I'm counting back from ten

And as I close my eyes
I see that I'm not scared
I'm terrified
I have never been alive until just now
I could have been someone
Been a better brother, a better son
There is so much left undone and still not said
I should have let myself
See that I was wrong, but you weren't right
And I still want you by my side
To see me off
Into this sterile room
Where I close my eyes and count from ten
I close my eyes and count from ten
I close my eyes