Eighteen

I know I should be getting excited to move on from this place and live my glory days
But everywhere outside my head makes me afraid of what lies in wait

If I can't fight the problems inside my own mind, then how can I face the ones in real life?

I shrug it off and tell myself that I'll just get over it
It will be water under the bridge before I turn eighteen
I'll bury the hatchet with the awful memories of the past
And everything will be okay before I go seek better things

Everything will be okay. Just wait

I'm pacing around my room at 3AM thinking about my life in its current state
And what I plan to do with the rest of it

When will I grow up, get a real job, and give up doing what I love for stability?

I shrug it off and tell myself that I'll just get over it
It will be water under the bridge before I turn eighteen
I'll bury the hatchet with the awful memories of the past
And everything will be okay before I go seek better things

While all my friends are getting wasted, I'm staying awake with a pen in my hand
I wanted to have fun again, but not like this
I wanted to let go, but I don't want to lose control again

Is that too much to ask?
I'm sick of only thinking about the things I can only wish I could look past
Every mistake I wish I could take back is haunting me
Cause I'm afraid I'll do it again or something like it
My only hope is to move on and try to adapt, but am I strong enough to even do that?