Novocaine

Stuck with all these thoughts unreleased from a scrambled brain
Staring out a window while the world passes disengaged
As all the seasons pass
The weather starts to change
And here I am standing still while the time slips away
Confronting sands of time
Sift through every single grain
At what immortal moment will the rising tides change
I'm still searching for a reason why I'm in so much pain
All I wanna be is numb, I just need some novocaine
All these scribbled verses
Medication for my mental health
Hours spent on hooks
Just to cope with my addictive hell
Flowing to these beats
So much on my mind to tell
Spending days in the booth
Shots of novocaine always help
Spending so much energy dealing with my fucked up vices
Never thought to find the root of any eclipsed past crisis
Always had a mental block on any trauma caused by violence
Suicidal tendencies its caused I've always silenced
I've erased these lines
Tons of times
I don't know why
I even try
Nothing measures up to size
To how I feel inside
It's exasperating to admit you lie awake at night
Wishing that you'd fuckin die
Contemplating suicide
Forever on rewind
All the repetitious lies
Tell the world you're doing fine
Behind closed doors you're dead inside
Use to be so full of life
Emotions make you anxious
Now you're jaded
Hope has faded
You're trusting there's no afterlife
And you're pleading
No ones grieving
That you're leaving
You've surrendered to your demons
Broken and you're beaten
Feels like there's no meaning
You're defeated
Soul's depleted
Given up on hopes and dreams and
You can't seem to find a reason
To continue fuckin breathing
All these scribbled verses
Medication for my mental health
Hours spent on hooks
Just to cope with my addictive hell
Flowing to these beats
So much on my mind to tell
Spending days in the booth
Shots of novocaine always help
I've dwelled in the same places
My demons have the same faces
I've walked a mile in those shoes
I've tied those same tattered laces
I wear my scars with pride and I've learned to embrace them
You've gotta give it time, life gets better, just be patient
Ive drown in the bottle
Ive smoked hella dope
I've ridden the highs
I've seen all the lows
I want ya to know
I've been gainin hope
I no longer see
The end of a rope
My demons I've faced
I've learned to cope
Forget about rhythm
Forget about flow
Fuck going platinum
Fuck all the shows
I want you to feel
These words that I've wrote
All these scribbled verses
Medication for my mental health
Hours spent on hooks
Just to cope with my addictive hell
Flowing to these beats
So much on my mind to tell
Spending days in the booth
Shots of novocaine always help