Ode to Seashells

I left myself in the dark somehow
I never had no know how, I was always way too proud
I just knew love was not allowed

Somehow, some way
I've ended up in a spider web of love and lust
Trying to figure out what is meant for me
And what is just in my face to see if my heart
Is really as good as I think it is

I know the universe is fucking with me
Trying to see if I'm really up for the test
And see if my dumbass thinks that I know whats best for me
See if I'm really about this destiny

Lord knows how much I hate feeling like something is testing me
Trying me
For once I'm trying me
I just want to try and be
Somehow, some way you satisfy me
Every lust that I ever had you fulfill
And I never know if I'm rocking back and forth to the devils violin
Or if this is life, yea

The life that I've always wanted right here
Chasing my dreams and somehow got to the halfway mark
And damn you're right there
In my dreams looking damn close to a nightmare
You're my absolute worse fear
Oh dear

What have I gotten myself into?
God quit playing just let me know if it's you
I didn't answer the phone three times
You might as well just tell me who
Or where or something
Because I know you're up to something
I know you got something up your sleeves
Even my enemies are into me
Since when has this been my thing

Still in love with life I feel even more in between
My reflection is a love song starring me featuring me
In the meantime
Im just gonna continue to make bad decisions
Satisfy my nigga
Praying to God he don't want another sister

Hoping God will quit playing on my phone and tell me whats up
Running from love because my heart is fucked
Damn Pam, this shit is tough
Painting red flags white, calling love lust
Writing instead of talking because my mouth is shit
Sexing and not meshing because talk is tough
Moaning and groaning because this is love
Asking for more because one is never enough
One is just never enough