If All Shows Were This Good, We Never Would Have Called It Quits!

Packed up the car and we're ready to go
Just got done playing a sick-ass show
The promoter was great-had Ballantines on ice
We sold a lotta merch and that's always nice
The place was looking sketchy when we first rolled up
But it was cool-a lotta people actually showed up
The other bands were friends, and lent us all their gear
I checked the mic; the monitors were crystal clear

The lights go down and the feedback squeals
From the first stick count, we let 'em know the deal
Dudes were moshing and people got hurt
But it was all from dancing hard, not acting like jerks
There was crowd riding and stage-diving
When time to collect, no scheming or conniving
The band was on point and didn't miss any changes
My throat had phlegm-coat and I hit all my ranges

So the show is over and the drinks are pouring
We're from outta town, but don't gotta get up in the morning
Reminiscing with some old timers, we had a blast
Talking 'bout slammin' shows from decades past
And these girls came up and they were mad pretty
Rockin' luscious titties and asses the size of a city
We chilled in the back where they had a lounge
What happened next-I'm leaving out of my account...

Good morning muthafuckas; it was quite a night
Now I'm walking kinda funny, but I feel aiiight
So we get in the ride and I don't turn the ignition
'Cause I felt a rather unpleasant premonition
My reflexes slower, but my senses heightened
I don't really want a court date and more points on my license
So I told the fellas that I had to eat
And we got out and started toward a diner up the street

It was the best choice ever-who was right there waiting?
A patrol car full of pigs masturbating
Under their mustaches they all wore scowls
Their nightsticks greasy from somebody's bowels
But we weren't nervous-not one iota
Sorry, officers, for not helping with your quota...