Collateral

Holding back a frown, can't look down
'Cause the room is spinning
Shakey 'til she comes, I'd feel dumb
If you knew I'm missing (I'm not)
Mexico again, Portland wind
And your stupid grinning
Hope it's not too late, had to wait
I didn't have it in me (what's wrong?)

This is my attempt to amend
My past actions, I was
Trapped inside my head, seeing red
Feeding gas to fire (fuck off)
Haven't made it out, but I found
Solace in denial
You'll remember this, what we missed
It won't take a while (come on)

I been tryna find peace ever since you left (insane, I'm so gone now)
I been tryna find me ever since you left (insane, I'm so gone now)
I been so alone now, hands all on my throat now
I been off anxiety, fuck, at least I know now
Everybody knows now, keep me comatose now
I'm just tryna find what you find
'Fore you come back in my life

I don't wanna change, so I blame
People closest to me
They don't get the half that I have
My part needs improving (I know)
You see clearly now, shaved your brows
Started over smoothly

I just built these walls, missed your calls
Put my heart in stupid (I choked)
That's not your black shirt, it was hers
You'd look better in it
We sat right here, too, it was new
Nothing ever did it (so close)

Maybe it's my nerves or a curse
They would never get it
Head down to your shoes, through and through
You were always different (my own)

I been tryna find peace ever since you left (insane, I'm so gone now)
I been tryna find me ever since you left (insane, I'm so gone now)
I been so alone now, hands all on my throat now
I been off anxiety, fuck, at least I know now
Everybody knows now, keep me comatose now
I'm just tryna find what you find
'Fore you come back in my life