Possum Nightmare

Well I was cuttin' my grass
Late one night
With a beer in my hand
And an old flashlight
I was on my trusty rider
She's no beauty queen
Her fenders rusted off
But she's a cuttin' machine
I went up one side
Then down the other
I finished my beer
I opened up another
I lit up a toke
I was a happy mothertrucker
Cuttin' by the light of the moon

Well I was cruisin' along
Grass a flyin'
When I saw up ahead
And I ain't lyin'
A big fat possum
In the dark of the night
Standin' right in front of me
He was on his hind legs
His beady eyes glarin'
He was foamin' at the mouth
His nostrils flarin'
And he was givin' me the finger
And I think he was laughin' at me

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Well before I knew it
He was down on all fours
Chargin' at me
Like some damn wild boar
I threw her in high
I stomped on the gas
I gripped my grips
And I clinched my ass
He was comin' at me
I was flyin' at him
He was gonna lose this game
Of possum-chicken
Then right before we hit
I saw that old possum grin

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Well he swerved to the left
And I swerved to the right
I hit an old stump
In the dark of the night
I fell off my rider
Landed on my back
And then that possum
Started to attack
The rider kept goin'
Tried to climb a small tree
The blades were whirlin'
Throwin' bark at me
The possum kept bitin'
I was kickin' and a fightin'
Callin' for my mama
Oh lordy help me
Then somethin' felt funny
Somethin' wasn't right
Then I woke up in my bed
In the middle of the night
I was kickin' at the blanket
Swingin' at the air
It was just a bad dream
A possum nightmare

Now I couldn't sleep
The rest of the night
So I ate some cookies
and drank a budlite
And when the sun came up
I went outside
And there in the yard
To my surprise
I saw an old possum
Lyin' in the grass
It looked like somebody
Filet'd his ass
Now the only problem
That I can see
Is how to get my rider
Out of that tree

Oh lordy, how am I gonna
Get my rider outta that tree
I guess I'll go get the chain saw
Look out everybody