Phatdippin'

Since the dawn of man people have swam
Without shirts or pants wherever they can
And some dare to be more audacious
And spare underwear baring private places

Skinny dipping might be fun for some
But I'm on the hunt for something never been done
In history... Why are we whispering?
If we start like this, we can increase intensity

Man, I got a deep desire to swim while in my full attire
For real, I feel it's time for soaking me, myself, and my clothing

I wanna float in a coat
Get doused in a blouse
Snorkel in a cardigan
Backstroke in a cloak
Aquaboogie in a hoodie
Dress up, dive in, it's phatdippin'

Phatdippin'
My fellow Americans, let me be clear
Phatdippin'
I mandate phatdippin' this year
Phatdippin'
The country's in the tank, I'm just being real
Phatdippin'
Is it too late to add this to the stimulus bill?

If you a first-time phatdipper, by all means
Ease in with your sneakers, t-shirt, and jeans
For the more advanced, go on, take a chance
Wear a big poofy coat and sweatpants

Our advice is check a checklist:
Remove your wallet and your electronic devices
Don't void your warranty
Put your phone in a baggie, hand your wallet to me

Your cellulite (won't see the light)
Got a farmer's tan? (Still a ladies' man!)
Got backne? (What's backne?)
Back acne (ew, nasty)

All the ladies may be pitching a fit
But on the inside, they sayin',
"I love to phatdip!"

Underwater with my clothes on
Feels so right, it can't be wrong
I've got a soggy sensation saturating me
I'm pretty sure phatdippin's gonna bring world peace

Phatdippin'
This phatdippin' craze gives me the urge
Phatdippin'
To address the public while fully submerged
Phatdippin'
I hereby issue an executive order
Phatdippin'
Put on your clothes and jump in the water

Phatdippin'
Phatdippin'
Phatdippin'
Phatdippin'
Phatdippin'
Phatdippin'