Should've, Would've

Yeah, when I'm alone, I think about the time we spent together
I fall to pieces when thinking he probably treats you better
Our love was different, so it's hard to set the tone
You living out in California, I've been stuck inside a different weather

I often wonder if you thought I deserved you
Too late to say it, but you know I'd never hurt you
And now I wonder if love is really a virtue
You made me realize that I never really deserved you

You taught me how to love, now it's something I don't believe in
I thought you were the one, but now I struggle through the seasons
How can I be so in love with someone so misleading
And how could you just throw away my heart without a reason?

So many things that I should get off of my chest
I just sit inside my room and reminiscing in my head
Lately I've been feeling like my soul has been a mess
And all I really want is for you to love me like I'm dead

Yo, last time I saw you was your back turned walking
How many people gotta leave 'fore I see I'm the problem?
You'll finally find some better guy who isn't shy and awkward
And I'll be here alone 'cause my fears are unconquered

Tired of people breaking trust and saying that I'm not enough
Why am I only okay when I'm off the blunt?
Feeling like I get my heart broke every single month
Might just give it up, I don't even give a fuck

Tired of this feeling, got it every single minute
My mind like a vinyl 'cause it's skipping while it's spinning
Popping painkillers, but I think I finally get it
I'm only killing myself, yeah, the meds won't fix it

But, that's just the way that I cope
And honestly, I'm just wishing that they leave me alone
Lift the pen like a shovel, just wanna die in a hole
'Cause these midnight thoughts got me feeling dead and cold