Lesley (feat. Ruelle)

Look, they say the universe, it works in a strange way
And it must be true because we ain't from
The same background or same place
But me and Lesley ended up on theat same train
I'm talkin' every day

I used to wake up around seven or eight
To catch the 9:06 to Norbury station
Two different worlds in the same location
One day we ended up speaking
And I would talk about college
She would talk about meetings
And how she's plannin' on leavin'
How she hates what she does
But she needs it
I asked her what she would do
When it's the weekend
But she said, she said

"I don't know myself
I don't know myself no more"

She used to be the life of the party for true
But now she goin' out hardly ever
Her man got her in the yard forever
And her friends wanna help
But it's hard to tell her
Hard to let her know that
Her man's possessive and aggressive
And she can't even see it
But for them it's clear as day
She's in a situation

Her friend Hannah had a man that was manipulative
So she can see it from a mile off
Turtle-neck jumpers, make-up around the eye spots
All the signs were there
But Leslie made it seem a light affair
Said it wasn't right to share
Her boyfriend he was a mystery man

I didn't know much about him
But he's been in the can
Name's Jason, he's a bad boy with no reasonin'
To be honest, I don't know what Les sees in him
'Cause she's a good girl with a sweet heart
But they both got demons in the deep past
You know opposites attract, apparently

Never heard her talk about her family ever, uh-uh
He was all that she had
Until they had an argument
And he stopped callin' her back
And I don't know if there was
More to the story than that
'Cause she plays things down
But according to that

He went missing one day
In the morning, he ran
She's doin' over-time
Struggling affordin' a flat
'Til she lost her job
It fucked all of her plans
Couldn't pay the rent
Borrowin' and callin' for cash

But Hannah, she was there for her
Cared for her
When I saw Les, she told me

"I don't know myself
I don't know myself no more"

Les sayin' "I got nothin' to live for
It's been raw but, David,
I ain't ever been this poor
There's no income
My boyfriend left me
So how the fuck am I gonna
Survive when this kid's born?"

And I said, "It's a blessing, as mad as it is
And, Les, I never even
Knew that you were havin' a kid"
Bro, she's four months pregnant
Young and neglected
Single, but I don't think
She wants to accept it

So she's still textin' exes
Tryna get this back on track
But I don't think that she gets it
It's emotional obsession
Clinical depression
Life is a lesson
And you ain't gotta sit and cry
'Cause Lesley, livin' in this gift called life
There's no better gift than the gift of life
So, can you handle it?"

"I don't know myself
I don't know myself no more"

But that changed here perspective
Late in December
Her baby's expected to drop
She's accepted, excited, electric, pumped
Only gotta wait a few months
Her and Hannah had lunch
Told her she's pregnant
And they're the closest of bredren

So she didn't stop to tell her
I think that's it's an error
You ain't a mum for a day
You're a mum forever
Whatever, and you and
Jason break up whenever
If I'm honest, that's something
You shoulda done together
She doesn't know that her and
Jason goin' out again
And Jason doesn't know that
Lesley's carrying a child for them

She had daydreams of settlin' down with Jason
Better 'cause now they're together it's wild
Feelin' like she needs to call her friends and tell 'em
'Cause, while she's lettin' 'em down
But most of them are never around
She calls Hannah the next day
Still tryna figure out the best way to tell her
That she's gettin' back together with her ex flame
So she left her a voicemail

Like "Yo, Hannah, it's Les
Can you call me back?
I wanna talk about the baby
You, me, Jason, all of that
I been feelin' like
I need to get my aura back
I used to be so fuckin' confident
But these days, I swear that

I don't know myself
I don't know myself no more"

It's 3:30
Lesley was meant to get a scan
But today I think she's goin' home early
Tryna talk to Jason, tell him 'bout the kid
Addressing any reservations
Have that conversation

Middle of the summer and it's rainin'
Waitin' at the train station
Hella cancellations, so she gets a taxi
Sittin' in the back seat
Blue jean jacket and a maxi
Actually tired and her legs are achin'
Touched her destination
Way faster that the cab driver's estimation

She put the key in the door
She couldn't believe
What she see on the floor
Some size-five trainers
Ragin', tears in her eyes, but it's cool
'Cause they must be the neighbour's
And Jason's in the bedroom, fully naked
Lesley's runnin' up the stairs
But she's makin' noise

And she can hear Jason's voice sayin'
"Hide in the closet"
But he's made his choice
So she bursts in
Sayin', "What kind of person
Would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend?"

Jason sayin', "What the fuck?
You're pregnant?
What the fuck?
You weren't even gonna tell me
I mean, what the fuck
What d'you want from us?
Nah, you ain't in love
You just wanna love

Lesley tellin' Jason,"I don't wanna love
I don't want a you-and-I, I don't want a us
And also, I don't wanna talk loads
One more line, before
I dash like Morse code
Open the wardrobe"
And Jason's on the edge
"I just wanna see if she was prettier than me
Slimmer than me
Maybe your baby's similar to me

Maybe you wanted someone thicker than me
Fitter than me
To satisfy you quicker than me
I got your baby in my stomach
And you did this to me
What did I ever do to you
For you to finish with me?

I didn't believe my girls
But they were thinkin' of me
And give it to me,
The wardrobe, give me the key"
I was pullin' at the door
But Jason's bigger than me
Literally, I remember viscerally

Jason pullin' from behind me
Now he's grippin' on me
White flashes, eye gashes
When he's hittin' me, see
I just wanted to disappear
I wasn't livin' for me
Physically, I shut the fuckin' doors
Quick as could be

He's outside, askin' why
I made him do what he did
Using a kick to open up the room that I'm in
I'm feelin' afraid, barricaded
With a chair in the handle
I'm hearin' sirens
I just wanna run away, but I can't

Jason's gone by the time
Police have come and they saw that there
Ain't no one else in the house
The feds are runnin' through the door, shoutin'
"We have reports of an argument with a woman"
There's blood all over the floor
And it's splattered onto the wall

Lesley's on the bed and she's tryna speak to the feds
She's deep in the stress
And there's metres above her head
If anything she couldn't even say anything
But she's got this really sharp pain where her belly is
So they call an ambulance
Lesley even had planned for this
Police are in the room tryna
Find the missing piece of the puzzle
Until they stumble on somethin' that's kinda random

It's a phone, in the wardrobe
It had five missed calls from Jason
And also a couple other numbers
So they're thinkin' that it's no help
Until they play the voicemail
Like "Yo, Hannah, it's Les
Can you call me back?
I wanna talk about the baby
You, me, Jason, all of that
I been feelin' like I need to get my aura back
I used to be so fuckin' confident
But these days, I swear that

I don't know myself
I don't know myself no more"

She felt sick to her stomach, she started panickin'
Mind rattlin', tryna understand what Hannah did
Battlin' the shame 'cause the situation embarrassin'
Tryna fathom it, betrayed by her own garrison
Meanwhile, she's on the deck
Tryna manage this piercing
Pain in her stomach
She couldn't handle it
Now she's waiting for an ambulance

Look, and I know she's strong
But when I heard about
What happened I was over-shocked
Her nose was gone
Her jawline shattered and rot
They said her baby was
The reason she was holdin' on

She's dozing off
Doctors gettin' no response
Her heart rate's slowin' down
And they don't know what's wrong
Picked her up, got her out of the home
And on to the stretcher for good measure
But she's fading out, uh

She took damage to the brain
And now she's in a coma as we speak
But I ain't sure if she can make it out
You see, this time that
I'm takin' out to tell you the story
Is more that a song or track
It's a message to a woman with a toxic man
I'm beggin' you to get support
If you're lost or trapped
I understand that I can never under-stand
And I ain't sayin' that it's easy but it must be right

Some of your sisters, aunties
Mums or wives are fucked inside
And they won't ever touch on why
I'm touched, 'cause I've seen
Women that are loved or liked
Cry a little red tear through a bloodshot eye
This shit's awful
No matter what culture, it ain't normal
Men try and twist it and make it seem like it's your fault
In that train full of people that you're takin'
How many Lesley's are runnin' from their Jasons?

Angel without wings
Like the day without the night
To bring her peace
A song without a voice
A spark without a flame
A child without a name
Oh it's just wrong

Like an ocean without a shore
A soldier without a war
How can we do this anymore?
A song without a voice
A spark without a flame
A child without a name
Oh it's just wrong

Well, we've made a massive amount
Of progress in this last year, haven't we?
Feels like a long journey
And I must say it's been a pleasure
To watch you mature and grow
In thought and in your career and life

You've opened up immensely
I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss these sessions
But you know, you can never stop learning about yourself
So you're always welcome
I'm just happy you're at a place now
Where you feel you understand your emotions
And are in control