Getting Married Today

Bless this day
Pinnacle of joy
Boy unites with boy
The heart leaps up to behold
This golden day

Today is for Jamie
Jamie, I give you the rest of my days
To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever
Today is for Jamie
My lover, my partner, my life

Pardon me, is everybody there? Because if everybody's there,
I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding,
I'd appreciate your going even more,
I mean you must have lots of better things to do,
and not a word of this to Paul, remember Paul, you know,
the man I'm gonna marry, but I'm not,
because I wouldn't ruin anyone as wonderful as he is-

But I thank you all
For the gifts and the flowers
Thank you all
Now it's back to the showers
Don't tell Paul
But I'm not getting married today

Bless this day
Opposite of joy
Boy gets yoked to boy
The heart sinks down and feels dead
This dreadful day

Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for,
a wedding, what's a wedding,
it's a prehistoric ritual where everybody promises fidelity forever,
which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of,
which is followed by a honeymoon,
where suddenly he'll realize he's saddled
with a nut, and wanna kill me, like he should-

So listen, thanks a bunch
But I'm not getting married-
Go have brunch
'Cause I'm not getting married-
You've been grand
But I'm not getting married-
Don't just stand there
I'm not getting married-
And don't tell Paul
But I'm not getting married today

Go, can't you go?
Why is no-
Body listening?
Goodbye
Go and cry
At some other person's wake
If you're quick
For a kick
You could pick
Up a christening
But please
On my knees
There's a human life at stake!

Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear,
or do you want to see a crazy person fall apart in front of you,
it isn't only Paul who may be ruining his life,
you know we'll both of us be losing our identities,
I telephoned my shrink and he said maybe I should come and see him
Monday, but by Monday I'll be
floating in the Hudson with the other garbage-

I'm not well
So I'm not getting married-
You've been swell
But I'm not getting married-
Clear the hall
'Cause I'm not getting married-
Thank you all
But I'm not getting married-
And don't tell Paul
But I'm not getting married today

Bless this fool
Totally insane
Slipping down the drain
And bless this day in our hearts
As it starts
To rain

Today is for Jamie

Go, can't you go?

Jamie, I give you the rest of my days

Look, you know
I adore you all
But why
Watch me die
When I'm only being nice?

To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever

Look, perhaps
I'll collapse
In the apse
Right before you all
So take
Back the cake
Burn the shoes
And boil the rice

Today is for Jamie, my lover, my partner, my life

Look, I didn't wanna have to
Tell you, but I may be coming
Down with hepatitis, and I
Think I'm gonna faint, so if
You wanna see me faint, I'll
Do it happily, but wouldn't
It be funnier to go and watch
A funeral, so thank you for the
Twenty-seven dinner plates
And thirty-seven salad bowls
And forty-seven picture frames
Fifty-seven candleholders-

One more thing-

I am not getting married!

Amen!

Softly said-

But I'm not getting married!

Amen!

With this ring-

Still I'm not getting married!

Amen!

I thee wed

See, I'm not getting married!

Amen!

Let us pray Let us pray
That we are getting married That I'm not getting married
Today! Today!

AMEN!