March 16th (Interlude)

I still can't open to up her
And shes gave me every reason
Instead of talking bout it
I'm pleading to a fifth almost every weekend
Thoughts of suicide them 13 niggas gave me 13 reasons
I saw the old me die
I guess depression just my way of grieving

I had days where the only person that replied to me was the plug
And days where I had to be a hoe just to feel loved
I had days I didn't talk to nobody but myself

Cuz I needed advice from a person I could trust
When my counselor ain't even help

I hated life but still would join in when my roommates started clowning
Thinking maybe if I faked it I could find a way around it

Girls was saying I was wavy but ain't notice I was drowning
They say it happens for a reason but that reason I ain't found it

I saw my inner circling changing I still wished it stayed the same
Now I'm always in my room alone idolizing fame
But what if I make it to the top and I'm still dealing with this pain
It's a whole new year but my memories still the same

Do you get used to it
Or do you get numb to it

Been feeling nothing lately
Even smoking ain't got no fun to it

Been chasing money lately
Cuz I'm focused when I run to it

When I'm not
My head is spinning with some thoughts to put a...

Don't let my momma hear this poem cuz I can't handle all that crying
She said I had to have to have some faith I said I'm praying mom I'm trying

But almost everyone that say they love me turn out to always just be lying
This just the random thoughts I think of late at night when I'm driving

I let myself down
Fumbled the ball I had some great moves
Used to tell myself boy you can't lose

Life been throwing punches now I stay bruised
Used to smoke one L to go to sleep now it take two

My Stomach cramping up like it's Crunch time
Lost my soldiers now it's empty rows along my front lines

And I'm Still fight anxiety
The people closest don't know what I keep inside of me

Talking to myself like it's five of me
Ironically
I look around and nobody standing there right beside of me

And I know that karma eye-ing me
I ain't happy yet but all this work i do is just me tryna be

March 16th my life is changing forever
I'm used to diamonds but not used to the pressure
Hug my knees I'm all alone by the dresser
Praying God I hope this life will get better
And change the forecast I need some new weather

I came in dead last
But my friends still gas me up like a pedal
No honor medals
Played the game and I'm still on the same level
Got used to pain
A day without it was special
Tryna look out for my people but my people treated me like a rebel

I don't understand
Falling out was never part of the plan
I lost my boys so how I'm supposed to be the man
And at the time I was cool with falling off with just some of my friends

But Losing myself was never part of the plan
I Stg I let myself down