Never Been // the Night I Swam

Yeah
Yeah, yeah

I've been reflective on the sky as the time goes
And feel a zephyr on my face with my eyes closed
I take my feel better candy in a high dose
Lately, I've been learning I'm alright with having high hopes
From yelling "something's got to give" as I grow older
They tell me "bend, but don't break" as I fold over
Rammy feeling like the ground beneath a bulldozer
I'm not depressed, I just gave the world a cold shoulder
And now I'm steady cooped in my room
I ain't talking about the car, not the thing that go "vroom"
I'm saying they don't see the sadness got me strewn
Waking up at 9PM 'cause I fell asleep at noon

But this some shit you couldn't sleep off
I think my low has hit it's peak, dawg
Life's a game, rap is life, that's for me, dawg
And now I'm jumping over rappers like it's leap frog

I've been reflective on the sky as the world spins
Numbness has taken me over since life was worth it
But weed ain't giving me the high that it first did
I need a new feeling rushing through me, like a first kiss
Instead of this congestion in my chest plate
When people ask me "what's the move?", it's a checkmate
I say "there ain't no one around me in my stressed state
But you can meet my demons, yeah, they visit when it gets late"
I'm saying "hi, I'm suicidal", and it's neat
'Cause you try to talk to God as you're questioning your beliefs
I think of suicide as my friend amount depletes
It's been Rammy and his words, I've been hanging with the sheets
Confirmed Catholic, but I ain't doing backflips
Tell me "there's a God", then whys Africa in a famine?
Tell me "there's a God", like really? That's what his plan is?
Tell me that you hate me, I don't care, I wasn't asking

Yeah
They talk religion like it's beautiful
Maybe if God didn't pick and choose, it'd be suitable
For me, there's no use, just middle fingers to crucibles
Like why believe in God if that shit isn't mutual?

I turn my music up loud to drown the faint cries
In a world that's pouring rain, I try to stay dry
People just tell me what to do like I ain't tried
Then disappear when I got issues, like "it ain't mine"
So could you tell me if you hate me or love me?
'Cause nowadays, I can't even fucking tell
How the fuck you hit me up, making plans, then you bail?
The afterlife isn't real but my life is living hell

How the fuck you hit me up, making plans, then you bail?
The afterlife isn't real but my life is living hell
Afterlife isn't real but my life is living hell
Bail, the afterlife isn't real but my life is living hell
Yeah, my life is living hell
The afterlife isn't real but my life is living hell
Afterlife isn't real, but my life is living hell
Yeah, my life is living hell
Yeah

Sometimes, I think about this world and all the mess in it
Sometimes, I think about this world and then I get lifted
This is sparking upstairs and not caring about if a scent drifted
But the comedown's got my head twisted
Knowing there's nothing left in these suburbs for me, and I should probably be enlisted
You probably wonder where I'm going with this
Don't get me wrong, I'm wondering where I'm going with this
But more or less wondering where I'm going in life
Or where I'm going tonight
When I don't go out
Nah
You probably think of me on some phony shit
Well, this is giving up on others, 'cause effort, they never pony it
This is jealousy for others that can do without these prescribed opiates
This was going outside once all day, and it's only to bring the groceries in
This was not showering for three days, busy cleaning my lyrics up like custodians
Trapped inside a room, writing about suns, stars, trees, plants, and foliage
Balling a bony fist
I've never heard of a data overage
But somebody hit 'August of 2017' Rammy
And tell him he's about to fail all the classes that he's enrolling in

Anybody?
No?
It's cool, I got this one
Within a journal entry where I only address me
My arm looks like a spreadsheet
I bleed tears and my tears bleed
I ain't piss the bed, but I got wet sheets
My friends go off to college as the rest leave
Suburbia gets weak, suburbia gets me
So let me tell you how it feels when the stress creeps
You're thinking about your best weeks
What you had, and what you have now
And in comparison, nothing
I mean shit, you can't even get sleep
Wondering what's the next leap and what you've yet seen
Man, I just crave the times when I was scoring off a jet sweep
The longings etched deep, now I'm just scoring red weed
So please God, if you exist, turn this shit around like Theo Epstein
'Cause I just hit the point where the mountain of pressure on top of my chest peaked

And I'll rephrase that chest line until they get that shit
Speak of my ex in every song, I'll never vent that shit
I don't need a fucking flow to represent that shit
I said that I've been suicidal, well, I meant that shit
People think I actually have to do it to confirm that shit
People still going by the book, but I burned that shit
I sold my story knowing you couldn't return that shit
So say you didn't hear my cries, I know you heard that shit

I think I just need time travel
To go back to riding my Savannah with the white walls
When demons didn't surround me come nightfall
And I hate questioning, "what's the right call?"
I remember people laughing at my name, like, "that's what that guy's called?"
Put me down for amusement out of your pussy ass friends
But Rammy popped up like a fly ball
So try and measure that night I swam across the ocean
That's some shit you couldn't eye ball