To My Future Husband,

First, let me just say
That I commend you
For having the courage, patience, love and compassion
To be with a woman like me

Now, you know that I know that you know
I have my moments
It's like my mind has a mind of its own
Summoning stories of possible scenarios
A thought-twisted twilight zone
That's 99.98% blown out of proportion
But I promise I will do my best
To make you feel at home

I'll keep my questions to a minimum
And I won't let my wonders wander too far
I'm still learning to unlearn
Still healing from old hurts
And patching up past scars
Forgive me in advance if I doubt you
Or try to find fault in your ways
I'm not used to having a man in my life that's loyal
Let alone one that stays

I was raised by my mother full time
And my father on the weekends
Well, every other weekend
Which turned into once a month
That grew into every other
And trickled down into a few times a year

Overnight bag slung over my shoulder
Constantly asking mom
Is daddy coming
Is he here

She'd try to conceal
The disappointment in her eyes
Along with her tears
And so maybe I had this subconscious fear
Of being left to take care of 3 daughters
On my own like momma did
Of having my kid sit down
On the couch to my right
Watching me and daddy fight
As he packs his bags and my love
In the middle of the night
Or maybe it's the morning
I don't know, all I know
Is that it feels dark
As the door shuts behind him

That's not quite the memory
I'd want our future child to have
Trust me, it doesn't go away
In fact, it got a stronger
After my father Passed away
578 days ago and it's a shame
We were just getting to the good part