Anxiety

Was it all worth it?
Writing songs till palms hurting
Every time I leave the studio I get all nervous
Did I perfectly recite all of my verses
Or did I stutter between all of my curses
Do I wait until anxiety begins to start lurking
I can't do this by myself I am just one person
But everyone expects and wants songs all perfect
Fuck it, supply and demand, I guess I keep working
After this I don't even know what to do with my life
I ain't worried about going wrong paths and committing all crimes
Because that ain't me, I know it isn't
But music requires me to always remain persistent
Yes I know I signed up for this, music was my decision
But when you a kid like me, no one really cares to listen
Will I blow up or not, I don't have a clue
If you think about it, that outcomes all up to you
The consumers and people decide who rises and falls
It's a popularity contest, it's all a money game, who can ball
But what if your just a quiet kid writing raps in the halls
A reject who's ignored, spends nights figuring what destiny calls
One who just figured fuck it, it's my only God damn option
One who became driven no matter what no one could fucking stop him

Fuck it, I'll rise higher than any false messiah than any who claim to be true yet they all liars
Destroy the game harder than my childhood did to me
Anyone who brought me down bitch you are my enemy
Use the pen and paper to change world and it's mental
First step to any change is a fucking pencil
Find any parasites in the game and exterminate them
Drugs money death they all preaching the wrong shit I fucking hate them
But I can't change shit as long as anxiety keeps stabbing
I don't know how long i can just hold off thoughts and keep attacking
When I write a bar, that thought in the back of my head doubts it
Then it intrude and takes over and steals my inspiration and I forever lost it
They wonder why I procrastinate, it's because I lost faith in myself
Mentally feel like I'm chained down in my personal hell
It's not just with music I always feel trapped in my own mind
Anxiety making decisions for me "it's better if I never try"
In public feel like all eyes on me for fucked up reasons
Can't trust anybody cause they change quicker than the seasons
Sick of seeing people who get famous without talent acting all tough
But anxiety always tells me "mothafucka you ain't good enough"
I struggle with the demons tearing at my soul
Writing words till I find the right ones to make me whole
I've been fucked up so much but I'm still intact
Anxiety tryna kill me but imma live until I make an impact