Men of the World

Good evening, John
So glad you could come! It's quite a great relief
I think they expect me to succumb like I'm some common thief!
When these embarrassments must be faced, we need the top man's clout
And clearly no one is better placed to sort the damn thing out!
Oh, you scratch my back and I'll scratch your back
That's our rationale
We always did and we always do
And I'm sure we always shall

I must admit, I've taken a drink; or maybe three, or four
Her Ladyship kicked up quite a stink and showed me to the door
I could hardly find my blasted keys – the Bentley was a blur!
I'd rather imbibe the anti-freeze than hear much more from her!
Oh, you scratch my back and I'll scratch your back
That's our rationale
We always did and we always do
And I'm sure we always shall

So I'm on the road – I'm telling you, I'd hardly got half way
Everything appeared determined to get squarely in my way
Was it a man, or a midnight myth? Before I could respond
Well anyway, it finished up with the Bentley in the pond
Oh, you scratch my back and I'll scratch your back
That's our rationale
We always did and we always do
And I'm sure we always shall

I can't emphasise too strongly now, I never lost control!
It's hard, when I think, explaining how I've ended in this hole
I'd guess there were a few curses
Hurled, but bear this thought in mind
Both you and I are men of the world – that's how we are defined
So you scratch my back and I'll scratch your back
That's our rationale
We always did and we always do
And I'm sure we always shall

If this can be something you can sort we'll all be in your debt
And the Lodge won't end up one man short. You'll save the Baronet!
There's really nothing to answer for – you can be reassured
Your future of course will (say no more!) be finally secured
Oh, you scratch my back and I'll scratch your back
That's our rationale
We always did and we always do
And I'm sure we always shall

I'll leave it with you to square
Your sleuth – I've kept it all oblique
Sometimes it's better to tell the truth, other times not to speak!
When this is done – I don't have to say, to thank you for your skill
I'll send a bottle, and by the way, Her Ladyship the bill!
Hah! You scratch my back and I'll scratch your back
That's our rationale
We always did and we always do
And I'm sure we always shall

Oh, you scratch my back and I'll scratch your back
That's our rationale
We always did and we always do
And I'm sure we always shall