How Do You Make a Baby?

Having cappuccino on a Sunday afternoon
The paper has a piece about an old jazz lady
My daughter is beside me she is turning 7 soon
She says: "Daddy, how do you make a baby?"

Okay... Huh
If a mommy and a daddy love each other very much
Maybe they one Saturday... Hold hands
And if they hold tight and didn't drink too much scotch
In a while with a smile a little baby lands

I could relax again, I knew that she would understand
And turned the paper to a featured story about Tibet
But then she said: " Me and grandma have been holding hands and I don't see that we have got a little baby yet"

Yes, but you see
To make a baby you need a girl and a boy
And usually is not produced on their first date
And when they holding hands a little navy is deployed
And honestly for Grandma it's a little late

Yes, I'm a super teacher, I thought, so I returned
To my paper and a piece about Norwegian fern
"But daddy, I was holding hands with Kevin and with Roy
And I have checked and I don't have a little baby boy"

I see, but you have to...
Hold hands at least 5 minutes maybe 10
And some want the light on and some want it dark
You do it once or over and over again
And when you're done holding hands have a cigarette

Then my daughter told me: "Daddy, you are wrong
I have read a book, you've been wrong all along
First you should undress even though it isn't night
Then go to a bed and hug each other tight
After this a little sperm comes across an egg
And settles down and the uterus becomes a shell
The baby peeks out between the mother's legs
And then you're happy even though it hurts like hell
So now that you know how to become a parent
Be a lover make my mother very pregnant
I can watch Disney Channel, I won't be a bother
Drop your bloody paper and fix me a brother
Yes, run to the kitchen and make love to my mother"