Oh Actually

Hey, guys
Hey, what's up?
I just got off the phone with Damien
He broke his leg
He's not gonna be able to compete in this year's mathlete tournament
Oh, fuck
Aw, what are we gonna do?
We gotta find a fourth member
Who?
I don't know
What about that guy?
That guy over there?
You know, I've heard some good things about that guy
I heard that guy fucks

Oh, actually, I'm dumb as fuck
I'm in the twelfth grade and I still can't fuck
I'm stupid, no one talks to me
I'm in the twelfth grade and I still can't fuck

You got that guy as my replacement?
Yeah, uh, what's the problem
He's supposed to be, like, super smart
I used to hang out with that guy
He had some kinda weird issues
Like what?
Like my dad, he just wanted to kick the shit out of him

Oh, actually, you're kinda right
Your mom's real cool, but your dad ain't tight
He's old, and he fucks with me
Every time I come over, he tells me some dumb joke and I don't get it
So I stand at the front of the—at the door
And I'm trying to figure out what the fuck the joke meant
And now we're awkwardly standing there
So you have to butt in and bail me out

And then we slowly walk to your room
Don't look your dad in the eyes
Won't look your dad in the eyes
Don't look your dad in the
Never look a dad, never look a dad
Never look a dad, never look a dad in the eyes
In the eyes
(What'd you say?)
Never look a dad, never look a dad, never look a
Never look a dad, never look a dad in the eyes
(Okay)
Don't look your dad in the eyes
(I won't)

I'm on a need-to-know basis
A need-to-know basis
I'm on a need-to-know basis
Do you know my bassist?
Need-to-know basis
Need-to-know basis
I'm on a need-to-know basis
Do you know my bassist?

Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum

Hey, this is Damien
I can't come to the phone right now
Please leave a message
Unless it's that guy, in which case
Don't leave anything, stop calling me

Oh, actually, you wanna fight?
Shit, okay, parking lot tonight
I'll bring my boys with me, you bring your dad with you
And all us are gonna fuckin' go at it, bitch
I'm gonna beat the shit out of your dad
And make you watch as he watches you cry
'Cause we're all gonna be kicking your dad's ass

Dude, where are you?
We were supposed to meet up at my house to study
I sent you the practice problems, just do them
Please, please focus, you're supposed to be smart
And you better not be working on that fucking
Need-to-know basis song

I'm on a need-to-know basis
A need-to-know basis
I'm on a need-to-know basis
Do you know my bassist?
Need-to-know basis
Need-to-know basis
I'm on a need-to-know basis
Do you know my bassist?

Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum

Alright, the final problem has just been posted
Currently holding the lead is P. Montine
Followed by Valley and Jefferson High
Last place is Godwin High
As you know, my son Damien could not compete
'Cause he just broke his leg

Dude, what is the matter with you?
You haven't gotten a single problem—
Shut the fuck—fuck you and fuck your shitty dad
That's not my dad, that's Damien's dad!
Alright, 30 seconds left
Stop staring at him, what are you doing?
Fuck, I looked him in the eye
God dammit, I'm about to lose it
Hi, about to lose it, I'm Damien's dad
Noooo!