Poor Unfortunate Souls

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you'll find that nowadays, I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch

And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And here lately, please don't laugh, I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed

Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need

This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed

Poor unfortunate souls, so sad, so true

They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them
Yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid
I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals

Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need

This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed

Poor unfortunate souls, so sad, so true

They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them
Yes, I do

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?

They're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn

It's she who holds her tongue, come on, y'all

Poor unfortunate soul
(Go ahead! Make your choice)

I'm a very busy woman
And I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice

Poor unfortunate soul, it's sad (so sad) but true

If you want to cross the bridge
You've got to pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead
(C'mon y'all)

Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need

This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
(C'mon y'all)

Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need

They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them
Yes I do (yes I do)