Screech In

Now there's a solemn old tradition
For admission or audition
To transition from a come from away
To be a Newfoundlander

The only other way at any rate
Is pass away and pray to fate
And wait to reincarnate
As a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, come on inside
Nothing ventured, nothing tried
Only a couple of people cried
You'll be a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, sit down right here
You'll feel better in a year
Try to ignore your doubts and fears
And you'll be a Newfoundlander

Now we needs a couple of volunteers
Who wants to become a Newfoundlander? (right here!), good man
Who else, I have no idea why I put up my hand
And Kevin's like, "Oh my God, are you serious?"
"Oh my God, you are serious!" "Yes, I'm serious"
Don't do it if you don't want to, I won't
Where you from, buddy? Los Angeles
LA! Who else? Us!

We want to be Newfoundlanders!
Alright, where are you folks from? Texas, Texas!
What part of Texas are you from, buddy?
No, no, I'm from Texas, he's from England

Wait, now how does that work?(how does what work?)
Well, how does your marriage work with you being in England and her in Texas?
No, we're not married, oh, I'm sorry I just assumed you were married(no)
Well, would you like to be? Ah well, why not?!

Diane had had two beers by then, so it was probably the alcohol talking
I've never had more than one beer at a time before, so it was probably the alcohol talking
I went and got her two more beers

Now the first part is the easiest
We'll soon get to the queasiest
I'll need you to repeat this mess
When you become a Newfoundlander

'Cause we speaks a different language
Son, we adds some messes and some rum
You'll have to try a good Cod tongue
When you become a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, just do your best
Nothing scary, nothing yet
You'll have to change the way you're dressed
And you'll be a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, just sing along
Nothing ventured just prolong
There's 30 verses in this song
Then you'll be a Newfoundlander

Ladies and gentlemen
This is screech! Back in World War II
An officer was stationed here and was offered some of this stuff
All the locals were tossing it back with nar' a quiver
So he does too and lets out an ear-piercing

Everybody comes to see what's happening and says
"What was that ungodly screech?!"
And now it's your turn, are you ready?

Good! All together now
One!(one)
Two! (two!)
Three!(three!)
Down the hatch!

Screech is basically bad Jamaican rum
Screech is horrific
Screech is delicious!
And then they brought the Cod
The Cod, the Cod, the Cod

Now with every transformation, comes a tiny bit of risk
You've got to walk the plank and there'll be blood or there'll be bliss
And it's the same to be a Newfoundlander
Every person's wish, so don't be dumb
Just take the plunge
Go on, kiss the fish!

Ladies and gentlemen
This is a genuine freshly caught Newfoundland Cod
And if you want to become an honorary Newfoundlander
You'll have to give her a smooch!

What, no, no, no
If you kiss that I am never kissing you again!
I'll risk it!
I'm not kissing a fish!
Come on, I will if you will!
Oh my god, fine

What are you doing? What I just did
Now you've got to kiss the Cod, it's a vital part of the ceremony
I can't do it!
Alright, look, I'll make you a deal
Either you kiss this fish or else you kiss this Englishman
That you're not married to

Hey, hey, come on tonight
Take a risk and take a ride
Jump right in with both feet tied
And you'll be a Newfoundlander

Hey, hey, come on once more
Nothing ventured, nothing sored
After it's over, out the door
And you'll be a Newfoundlander
After it's over you'll remember
That you're a Newfoundlander