I'll Never Tell

(A) This is the man that I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine!

But I'm out of the biz
The name I made, I'll trade for his
The only trouble is - -
I'll never tell.

(X) She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight - -
Embrace! Tight embrace!

I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - -
No... I'll never tell.

(A, X) Cause there's nothing to tell.

(A) He snores

(X) She wheezes

(A) Say "housework" and he freezes

(X) She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe

(A) I talk; he breezes

(X) She doesn't know what please is.

(A) His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!

(A, X) The vibe gets kind of scary

(X) Like, she thinks I'm ordinary

(A) Like, it's all just temporary

(X) Like, her toes are kind of hairy

(A, X) But it's all very well
Cause, God knows, I'll never tell!

(A) When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his Buffy!
Now look, he's getting huffy
Cause he knows that I know.

(X) She clings
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She never - -

(A) His eyes are beady!

(X) This is my verse, hello!
She - -

(A) Hey, look at me! I'm dancing crazy!

(A, X) You know

(X) You're quite the charmer

(A) My knight in armor

(X) You're the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm, yet supple - -
Tight embrace!

(A) He's swell

(X) She's sweller

(A) He'll always be my feller

(X) That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified

(A) I've read this tale
There's wedding, then betrayal
I know that come the day I'll want to run and hide

(A, X) I lied
I said it's easy
I've tried
But there's these fears I can't quell

(X) Is she looking for a pot of gold

(A) Will I look good when I've gotten old?

(X) Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?

(A) When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?

(X) Am I crazy?

(A) Am I dreamin'?

(X) Am I marrying a demon?

(A, X) We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!

So, thank God, I'll never tell!
I swear, that I'll never tell

(X) My lips are sealed

(A) I take the fifth

(X) Nothing to see
Move it along

(A, X) I'll never
Tell!