If a Girl Isn't Pretty

Fanny, when people pay good money in the the-ay-ter--
especially the male element--they want something to look at!

If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City,
All she gets in life
Is pity and a pat.

Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail
Or drown the cat?

She must shine in ev'ry detail
Like a ring you're buying retail,
Be a standard size that
Fits a standard dress.

When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than

Then to me that doesn't spell success.

If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City,
She should dump the stage
And try another route.
Any guy who pays a quarter
For a seat just feels he oughter
See a figger that his wife can't
Substitute.

Kid, my heart ain't made of marble
But your rhythm's really horr'ble
And that map of yours just ain't no
Valentine.
Everything you got's about right,
But the damn thing don't come out right
So forget it, kid,
And just resign.

If a girl isn't pretty,
If a girl isn't pretty,
If a girl isn't pretty,
If a girl isn't pretty,
If a girl isn't pretty,
She should get a job,
Go get a job
Get any job
Get a weekly pay,
'Cause if a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City,
She's a real Miss Nobody, U.S.A