Eulogy

I think that it's safe to assume
It's always been you
I am who I am 'cause of you
To tell you the truth
I don't know what to do
Its been 3 years
Its starting to feel like you're someone I knew
Not someone I know
I know - that you'll never be at my show
You won't see the movement that you helped me grow
We won't see the projects we planned every summer at home
The night that your name had appeared on my phone
I wish I knew you were alone
I still have your number, I know you won't know when i text it
I know you won't get the message
Choking down anti-depressants
Thinking of you every med I'm ingesting
Every counselling session
You really surprised me
And not only me - nobody really believed it
You had your demons - but on top of those, you also had your achievements
You had your reasons
But why you would keep it a secret's beyond me
Maybe you'd still be breathing
Instead of just leaving those demons to haunt me
Now I get pissed every time someone's drinking their coffee without any sugar or cream
Now I'm feelin' salty
When somebody mentions your name, it shows me the days I'd be stuck in the lobby
Eager to game, or leave for the day, it's funny we used to play zombies
Now I keep wishing you'd rise from the dead
Somebody, stop me!
If you're havin problems, people will tell you to sleep
But what if the trauma prevents you from getting a peep?
You just lay awake? Yea right You obtain what you need
And that's how you ended up dead on your couch with a bag on your head
Cause it hurt you to breathe
At least you went peacefully
Do you know what you mean to me?
Or should I say meant to me
Wonder what life would be like if you were still alive
Would my problems be gone or just come out later in life?
Maybe the blame is all mine
I'm told that it's normal
Thinking' of suicide
This is no suit and tie
This is just do or die
If I live I'll be dead inside
I guess that the noose is tied
Now who am I to judge?
I don't even know who I've become
But maybe killing yourself won't resolve all your problems
It puts them on those that you love
You didn't think it'd get better
Despite all your efforts and all your endeavours
Used to be known for thinking outside of the box but now you'll be in one forever
Life took a man who was damaged
Added some manic depression, a bad adolescence and damned him to sadness
And after that Ian crashes
Added a match to the gases
I guess it's ashes to ashes
Madness, traumatic, it happened too fast, you abandoned your past, I can't stand it
Try to be mad. Try to be mad?
I just can't be mad at my best friend
On the day that you left them
You left me
That was the end of you and me
We used to seek tomfoolery
I wish this song was our anthem
But truthfully, after the scrutiny
I don't think it's our anthem
I think it's our eulogy