Jeff Sums It Up

Jeff: Not long ago, there was a man
An angry guy, awkwardly aging
Comedic but kinda self destructive, whining his way through life
'Til ambition and circumstance conspired to deliver an opportunity
No-one except a megalomaniacal actor
With nothing to really lose would consider

And then of course, this guy puts -
Oh yeah! this guy is you, in case you were wondering -
Puts on a dress and wig and heels and actually gets the part
And surprisingly everything goes very well! but then
And how do I say it?
You fucked it up.
You really fucked it up.

You got applause, you got the fame
Except it wasn't exactly for you
And now you're in love with a girl who
Thinks you're somebody that you're not
And in case you forgot! I'll tell you who you really are
You're the guy who fucked it up.
You really fucked it up.

Listen, Mike, I know, when Mr. Opportunity comes tiptoeing and teasing
You're the kind of man that grabs him by the balls,
But then when he screams and says,
"Let go of my balls!", and you just keep on squeezing,
Well that's the time you gotta -

I lost my train of thought. Hm.

But anyway, you get the point
You screwed the pooch
Epic fail!
I hate to say,
"I'm happy to say I told you so!"
But it makes me so happy!
I told you so
I told you so
I told you so!
You fucked it up!
You really fucked it up.

You went tits up (I went tits up)
Mistakes were made (mistakes were made)
You bit the dirt (I bit the dirt)
Insane in the membrane! (Good song)
A major malfunction (I really blew it)
The captain of the Hindenburg (oh the humanity!)
You messed it up (I did)
The wheels came off my bumper car
You fell on your face (Complete disaster)
You're dead in the water
You fucked it up (Everything looks pretty bad)
You - ball change
You fucked it up
You're dead in the water
You fucked it up ([phone rings])
And fan kick!
And buffalo! Buffalo! Gotta shuffle off to Buffalo! (Jeff! Jeff!)
Jazz square! Jazz hands! (shh!)

Oh! That's great! Thank you!
Jeff! The cast are going over to hear Julie sing,
They invited Dorothy.
Now Julie has been avoiding me since I kissed her.
But she also confides in Dorothy what she wants from a guy, right?
So if I can meet Julie as Michael,
I can use those things to get her to fall for
Me, and then fix things between her and Dorothy!

Good luck to you! God bless you, Mike
I really really wish you the best
I tell you what, I'm coming along, for moral support
Because I'm a friend
But mostly because I'm curious, to see exactly how you'll fuck it up
Twee-dee-da-ba-ba-bao!