Red Birkenstocks

I was drunk and texting you
Said you'd be over in a few
We took the stairs up to my room
Everything I owns a different shade of blue
On your red lanyard is red pointy cat
For self defense in case you get attacked
Hanging next to some Red Pepper Spray
To stop a theft or a rape
I'm not a woman, I don't know what's it's like
To fear for my life while walking home at night
You get worried about me
When I'm drunk and stumbling the streets
Making friends with the homeless
In a couple years I'll probably be one of them
You set down your red purse
Next to the blue pellows on my blue bed
Took off your red Birkenstocks
And your patched denim jacket

You're so fucking cool and honest
I'm fucking fake and heartless

You smelled my golden waffle candle
And got black smeared all around your nose
And you don't want to wipe it clean
Instead you eskimo kissed it off on me
Said I was going to the bathroom to take a piss
Instead I snuck down the stairs to the kitchen
I chugged a glass of my roommate's gin
If we're gonna have sex I need to be drunk for it

I've got all these dark secrets
That I don't tell anyone
I'm afraid of commitment
Lost the capacity to trust

So I'm drunk, every time
That we fuck, or I'm high
There's no way anybody
Will love the real me

I don't know how to let myself fall in love again
I'm afraid of being vulnerable and letting you in
In the way the things on your lanyard protect your life
I protect my broken heart with all these lies
How long do these things take to heal?
Because I really want to go back to being genuine and real