Gaining Ground

I still think i suck at playing the guitar
Even though i know it's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie
I'm counting down the minutes until somebody tells me
Not to blame my self-esteem on boys

You know what sucks about lipstick service
It's how you learn you have to be the best on the first try
Eating half as much, fucking up your hands
'Cause you have to make the hardest noise
Gotta tear apart that voice, that pretty voice

I didn't hear of anyone getting raped today, didn't see the murder count go up
There's some pretty great things about never leaving your bed
They call it leaden limb paralysis when your arms & legs get pinned like this
Like gravity's a monster and it's begging to be fed

But nothing's quite as heavy when you're underwater
I'm not hungry, i'm not thirsty, look at all the salt i swallowed
Here among the bottom feeders none of us are picky eaters
Circling the sulfur chimneys waiting for the dead

And the boys in the first band shout about killer breasts
And misgender one of us when we're changing sets
Their bodies spit and spray and the audience cheers
And the singer asks where we get our ideas

Was i invited to reveal or was it to redeem
Oh, are you asking, oh, are you asking where i learned to scream

The white boys in keb mo' shirts are jamming
I'm at the edge of the woods
My friends are assaulting my friends in the trees
And i'm learning chords and eating lunch

He's in love with me and he lies down smiling
Hides his hard-on and says my writing is so good
He pinched me hard at the classroom door
And i slapped his face, but i have a hunch
That it should've been a punch, should've been a keys-in-the-knuckles punch

I'm working hard and i'm getting functional, counting blessings & cutting checks
I'm dodging the blade and catching the flat of the knife
It's not giving in if what you give is what it takes to let you live
Or is that just the voice inside that tells me to be nice

I swung between the armchair and the ottoman
And called my daddy, "come and save me, the floor is made of molten lava"
In twenty years, i say "remember how you said, 'you're not in danger
And you should always be able to save your life'"

And they teach me to blame the success of people i love
Blame anybody trying to rise above
Teach me to blame the place and time being wrong
Teach me to blame myself for not being strong

But i blame the poison in our blood & in the stream
Oh, are you asking, oh, are you asking where i learned to scream

Well i learned right here, i learned right here
I learned right here, i learned right here, i learned

Let me gain ground
Let me gain ground
I can't say you can't keep me down

Let me gain ground
Let me gain ground
Let me gain ground
I can't say you can't keep me down