Defiant

When I'm smiling in front of you
But I aint even happy do you know it?
When I'm playing around cracking jokes for you
But I aint joking do you know it?
When I'm caring for you while I'm breaking
With half my bones being crushed to bits
When I'm losing my temper but keeping calm
Cuz I don't want no drama to get me pissed
Do you know it? Do you feel it?
Do you ever get it how I feel?
Have you even tried to know me?
Will you ever witness what I see?
Should I get a knife and slit my throat
To let somebody know
That my life is not that funny
I'm done with faking smiles
That makes my heart go cold
Call me old I'm thrice your age
My brain doesn't work like yours
My heart doesn't beat like yours
My mouth never runs like yours
My soul is old I don't have a style
I don't follow trends you can call me wild
I'll smash my head on the walls and laugh
Wishing someday I wont wake up
I'm waiting when the sun don't rise
And me n my life will break up
Though I'm glad it aint over
I gotta few things I'd like to make up
For the one's who really love me
Till I die I'll keep my lace up
I've been building my home since '06
And I'm glad I can watch it shape up

I am defiant I do what I wish when I wish
I don't see any right or wrong
I don't fear god but god knows
I've been losing my strength by staying strong
In every storm that hits me
I've been taking the hits and hitting back
Taking the blows that cripple me
I've been moving ahead not looking back
When it's all done I'd smile a bit
Cuz once for real I'll be amused
Since childhood I've been abused
Those memories didn't make no news
Those memories are the nightmares
That I live in everyday
My demons are real they are human
I feed'em 'fore I prey

Chances are I'll go to god
Make him pay for his lazy work
If god is real he will accept
If he made mistakes on earth
And if he denies I'll know he's fake
He's just a part of a comic book
Like iron man like doctor strange
Maybe batman or robin hood
This right here aint blasphemy
I believe in god but why should I fear
If I did what I thought was the righteous
Thing every time I had to steer
This life on the roads he built on the turns he made
To let me learn to take my test to make me
Strong to check my strength
To see what I do when the time is bad
Will I push myself or pray will I give up will I stay
Will I stop cuz of the pain will I keep making complaints
Will I make excuses look for a way
To cheat on my experience?
Or keep the innocence alive amidst the
Terrors that I deal with?
Defiance is my other name
Kronik is the first one
The most important lesson
Learned in life is never trust none
Defiance is my other name
Kronik is the first one
The most important lesson
Learned in life is never trust none

I am defiant I do what I wish
When I wish I don't see any right or wrong
I don't fear god but god knows
I've been losing my strength by staying strong
In every storm that hits me
I've been taking the hits and hitting back
Taking the blows that cripple me
I've been moving ahead not looking back
When it's all done I'd smile a bit
Cuz once for real I'll be amused
Since childhood I've been abused
Those memories didn't make no news
Those memories are the nightmares
That I live in everyday
My demons are real they are human
I feed'em 'fore I prey

Who do I bow to?
The god or the devil or humanity?
None of these stood up to my
Level of patience and morality
None of the people who left me left
Cuz I did something really wrong to them
All of them just left when I quit being
Used by them for their real plan
And the plan was always the same
To use me to have a better life
While I'll suffer in my life like a prisoner who
Never committed a crime
I'm glad I'm not in jail don't think of it
I ain't planning that
But I know myself and I know my anger
Can get me locked up just like that
I keep my brain sedated
By the pills that I've been living on
Anyday that I miss them pills
My brain can bring the demons I've been hiding from
Let's not lie I ain't hiding
I've been keeping them locked in a cage
And I'll let'em lose one day
When I lose my patience and my faith