Late December

I still remember that night
Sitting in silence hoping
But I already knew you were gone
Confirmation stabbed in me cracking out until all parts
Of me collapsed and any semblance of hope turned to ash
I can't count how many times
I thought of following you
Almost wishing each new wave of agony would finally push me to the
End. I know you'll never hear those messaged i left but i still wish
We could exchange
Words and laughs one more time
Or that i could even hear your voice, your breath responding to mine
There are so many things i wish
I could say in that moment or the last time we spoke
When i was really the last voice that you heard on this earth
No one ask why we all saw the pain in your eyes that you
Tried to hide with a smile, it was such a beautiful smile

We never, never believed in heaven
But i still hope you are in that house by the Beach. No
No more pain in this life. You can rest now, but i miss you

They said you looked so peaceful and i don't know if i wish i could
Have seen you like that, no struggle
No pain, you're unchained from this earth

But all i can picture in my mind is an angel in the rope

I'm so sorry that i couldn't help you
I wanted you to be free from the tangles thorns
I want to go back, back to a time when our hearts beat as one

In the end I can't accept that I'm still here and you are not