Recap Raps: Avengers Infinity War & Endgame

Ragnarok had a hopeful close
Forget that now those bros are toast
Scrap the baddy from Avengers 1
'Cause the lavender zaddy's on a scavenger hunt

Banner comes to beneath the stairs
There's a battle in robes and athleisure-wear
Magic and nanotech, Spidey comes swinging in
Then they go to space and the Hulk stays impotent

Cut to Bettan and Olsen in Scotland
Cronies interrupt, Steve's beard stops 'em
Steve's beard: So full and clean
Those beautiful bristles own every scene

Thor's in on the Guardian experience
Sees giant Tyrion
Make an axe with the help of a fever dream team
Star crossfit and the arm of a tree teen

Gamora can't give her dad to slip
Thwarted by the power of an acid trip
Red Skull sherpas a bond in the worst way
Crappy end to the take-your-daughter-to-work day

Now Strange is feeling the vibes
Odds are 1 in 14,000,605
Ganging up on Thanos, everybody hold on
Almost got it, but Quill is a moron

Wakanda opens up, CGI war
Bucky-Rocket, Double Scarlett
Stormbreakin' Thor
Vision's mind wrecked to complete the set
Then an axe to the chest
"You should've gone for the head"

Oh Snap!

I mean, he said he would
"Mr. Stark I don't feel so good"
Fury sends a page
Right before he kicks the bucket
Thanos is pooped, but boy, was he productive
Avengers assembled and
Holy crap that got real dark

Say hello and goodbye to the Bartons
Neb and Tony saved by Deus Ex Larson
Thanos has me-time before the avenging
Go for the head
Now he's dead,
What an ending

JK, now it's been five years,
They've lost so much
Including Steve's beard (why?)
A rat hits a button, Scotty's in the fray
On his Paul Rudd game, he ain't aged a day

It's a heist round up a squad
Thor's rocking divorced uncle's bod
Hawkeye's ragin' in the Tokyo nightlife,
Hulk wears sweaters, Scar Jo has highlights

But Tony's settled down for once
Til' he sees a photo of his surrogate son
He does a science and joins the plan,
Flashback time and you're welcome fans

2012, NYC, Fight familiar enemies,
Bit of Steve on Steve, then it's back to the 70s
Uncanny Pym, age-accurate Carter
Tony offers fatherly advice to his father

Emotional judo for the powerless people
R.I.P. Black Widow
Guess we'll see you in the prequel
Oh, and Neb's been a CCTV,

Hulk Snap! Boom!
Thanos wanna repeat
Beefcake battle, flying fists of fury
Mjolnir rattles, yo Cap is worthy

Orange circles forming, getting sentimental
Avengers (here it comes!) Assemble
Tables turn quick, down go flying machines,
Ladies in the mix, here we go! (Yas Queens!)

Gauntlet rugby, here the one and only chance,
"I am inevitable", "I am Iron Man"
Avengers assembled and
Wiped the floor with Avatar

Send Tony's heart out, adrift on the lake,
No one "RSVP" no to the wake,
Breaking new ground and universe founding
"Love you 3000?" that and counting

Cap takes the stones back, ever so dutiful
Gave life a chance, and why not? It's so beautiful
Locked in his legacy, oh but beyond that
Evans better have full beard in his contracts