Unsure

Is it too late
To pull myself
Out of this tide?
And try to find
A reason to stay alive
Because everything I hold onto
Is weighted in time
So giving up
Has had the same effect
As trying

So I'll take the last antidepressant
That I have left
With a bottle of whatever
Washes away the past
In hopes that I can finally
Start to feel again
Or at least,
Be able to forget

And I know I should be grateful,
Because relatively
I am blessed
But that doesn't mean
That I'm immune
To drowning in this loneliness
And the more we spin around,
The more hopeless I become
Feeling like I don't mean anything
To anyone

Because I spent my youth
Wishing I would die
But I know that when I'm older
I'll wish for more time
I've learned to live peacefully
Inside a clouded mind
But I'm not convinced I make things better
By being alive

I know that when I'm older
I'll wish for more time
We're sinking in currents,
Each revolution declines
I know that when I'm older,
I'll wish for a way
To bring back the nervousness,
Worry, and anxiety

I'd rather be unsure
Than to know