Travel Solo

The kids aren't with me, but if we're really quiet, we can hear them screaming in New York City
When I travel without my children, in between those moments of guilt
Are just hours of happiness

I mean, I love my kids, I just love them more when I'm not with them
And when I travel without my kids, I do nothing
I'm so productive when I travel with them
When I'm not here, I do nothing

And then I'll do nothing all day, and then I'll call home and my saintly wife
Will just pick up the phone and there'll be chaos in the background
And she'll be like, "What'd you do today? I'm like, what'd I do?
Well, I got up
Did that a couple of times
Enough about me, what about you?"

Then she put my kids on the phone, they'll be like, "Third grade is hard"
And I'm like, "It gets so much worse"
School is hard, you know?
I try and be supportive in the morning
I'll be like, "Look, I know you don't want to go, but just remember
I never have to go to school again
Anyway, off you go, I'm gonna nap"

I don't know, I wouldn't want to be a kid, I like the age I am
I wouldn't want to be a teenager
I wouldn't want to be in my 20s
I like being 30 years old