The Middle

Lately I've been seeing the serpent in my peripheral
Wondering the cost if I never decide to risk it all
Cinderblock, stare as I wonder if I'm content at all
Pass the ball my way god, see it fall sideways
I've been the type to file my problems nicely away
Getting angry at my father for shoving it in my face
Rejecting my needs, tossing the seeds
This for the birds, the blood on my leaves
I'm running from growth, I'm climbing the trees
You see where I be
Lately I just dodge and release
Easy relief when the reaper's the chief
The old me would probably sink into beats
But shit's been getting harder lately
Pen ain't going crazy
Shake my fist and raise it at the sky since
Left my momma's house, spent the weekend sleeping, crying then
Waking up at nine, at least I got a couple hours in
Cyanide thoughts, paralyzing shit
Can I be happy if I continue this path of regret?
Ignoring causes of my losses, idolizing my death
So apathetic it's pathetic
Motherfucker was headed for more
Facing my life on the porch
Can't put a foot in the door
Couldn't call out for recourse
Learning the hard way of course
I could've listened to my figures before
I could've dipped before I tripped at the source of my afflictions
But dismissing shit just hits to the core
Searching for more in this time spent
Tryna figure out where my mind went
When escapism is hope and my godsend
If god sent the angels down for me would they hate me or adore me?
Not a book or page or prayer from a prophet could assure me
But I'm sure of just one thing
I'm stuck in a dumb dream
Somebody wake me, please just clutch me up from these box springs
The top speaks volumes when you reach it and you're falling
As soon as I hit the bottom maybe I can solve my problems

Lately I've been stressing my duality's existence
My mama said she's proud of me but she don't see the difference
Between my actions and ambitions
I claim I want the world but I can't crawl up out my feelings long enough to call my girl back
That's why she left
God, what's next? Second book, exodus
I'm tryna walk the path that's led to freedom but I'm getting stressed
Having manic depressive episodes that I don't let expression show in reach of friends
Screaming at myself, I hate this shit
My impatience is taking greater strength in silence than it ever has
And that's my biggest problem
I've been letting all my faults reveal themselves
And simply tossing it off as my vulnerabilities and absence of bravado
And really all this drink from out my bottle has me talking more
Maybe I should talk to a therapist but my pride is sure
That my implore to god could keep my mind ensured I'm safe
When really I'm in danger from these thoughts that keep me waking up at 5:04
Usually leave an hour's space to give or take
Depending on how late I rest my head upon my pillow case
Tryna climb a ladder of my peers to I can demonstrate superiority
But I don't feel it at my end of days
Feeding off the feeling you get when your heart's about to break
Pounding on my ribs just trying desperately to leave its cage
Locking all my memories away for rainy days
So I can always remember it ain't no piece of cake