Loss

I pretend to be happy, so I can ride the wave
But the tide continues rising and it's pushing me away
That damn tide is called anxiety, I think I got a case
'Cause my grandpa, I never got to meet him. I wanna see his face
He's been gone for 10 years, and I don't know what he's like
Or what he thinks of me, I'm thinking that I ain't doing it right
But I gotta keep on being stuck in these fights for my life
Or else one day depression hits, gun to the head and say bye

Lost Jahseh last year, he could change the world
He just need to say some shit. Don't need diamonds or pearls
He got the magical speech. Got the magical words
But God decided he needed to fly higher than the birds
But only 20? He wasn't ready to go
He probably had more on his mind he was going to show
Lil Peep at 18? Like, backstage at a show
I'm tired of all these losses, now I feel lonely and cold

I feel the anger rising
As people I love keep dying
As others just keep on crying, I just stand and stare in silence
I don't like to cry and show my true self
That could make me vulnerable and soft in this big hell
What have I become? Asking myself what am I doing wrong
Am I simply being me? A kid making some corny songs
As I fight the anxiety, every night demons frighten me
Telling me to go with the ones in Heaven getting along

I swear to god I don't think I understand
They tell me to get a grip of life but I don't think I can
Losing hope faster and faster as I'm making a life plan
But maybe I might not have the rest of my life in my hands
All these legends dying young, maybe I could be next
Too much of this fucking loneliness and too much stress
No one loves me. That's a lie. No one cares if I'm dead
I can't take it anymore. I'll put this bullet in my head