Self to Note

Lately I've been treating you like a job and less like a diary
Some how I've gotten lost in attempts at finding me
Anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety
Moments of clarity then it's back to anxiety
Looking back cuz they trying me, they want me to fail
The cops want me in prison these haters want me in hell
I've been reading bout the laws and how to profit from sales
How to play the game so perfectly and not be derailed
But see a thinker like me becomes a prisoner fast
Overthinking the little while overlooking the mass
Watching out for the hooks but never peeping the jabs
Studying patience but then apply it too fast
I'm in a state of reflection in a state of confusion
Cuz when the image is reflected I can see who the truth is
But when I'm turning my neck see now the vision is useless
Because it isn't working when I try to grip it and use it
Yea I know it's confusing, pardon the scatter
My brain's cluttered with chatter with pieces cut up and shattered
I keep confronting the challenge while throwing curves at the batter
If life is a piece of cake then I'm stuck in the batter
My mom got a disease, my grandfather as well
Don't know how to approach it, it's like who should I tell?
Should I break down and cry, pray to God for a spell
Or a potion of magic to rid their bodies of hell?
I wanna cry like a kid maybe get some attention
Some empathy for my stress and sympathy for the tension
But this ain't high school and I've forgotten to mention
That even if I wanted to I couldn't even project it
I'm too numb, something in me is off
The business mind I got is lurking in and it's opening doors
But closing all the others the ones I've opened before
And kept them open with a notion, I was hoping for more
But slowly they're closing, the wells starting to dry
Gaining weight as they close and getting harder to pry
Self medicate and let some liquid courage inside
And now the door's a feather for a brief moment in time
I'm sorry for all the time I put between us for real
I figured I would shelter you until I got me a deal
They ain't ready for your truth, for what you'll reveal
By showing them you, we'll show them how to feel
Damn, but there's a timing for everything
I'm feeling boxed in, I can't do or say anything
A one trick pony's what I gotta pretend to be
Just to garner some fans but really gather my enemies
I know you understand, you're always there in my times
Of depressive mental illness that I cure with the rhyme
Thanks for listening again, feels good for the mind
To put my thoughts in my notes, talk to you and unwind.
Al

Why do I keep forgetting about you?
When you're the only one who really knows the truth
Only thing I know helps me get through
I'll never stray again I give my word to you

I know it's hard sometimes
Relax, let go of your mind
Sit back and take some time
Do you, for you, push through
You've got to make the move
No one's gonna do it for you
I know it's hard sometimes
Relax, let go of your mind