The Revenant

Stepping to me with a plan or agenda
Runs a higher risk of messages returning to the sender
There ain't shit I need to know or need to hear about
I've acquired all the knowledge everything is clearer now

I learnt along the way the rate at which I lose my mind
Is in a perfect correlation every time I write a line
It's like the more I try to help myself
I dig a little deeper and feeling happy is a parallel

I don't see a single person here that I can tell
If I told my partner then she'd probably blame it on herself
And if I told my family they'd blame it on all the drugs
Or the alcohol, the cigarettes and all of the above

But what I'm trying to get across or discuss
Is the fact I've felt like this a while now without the drugs
I only drink myself to sleep because this life is tough
And funny enough I do it all because it makes me numb

I'm feeling sadder now it tears me at my core
I'm trying to pour my heart on all these songs so people can adore
But I don't think a single lyric getting through
I got people telling me to take a break and review

So in one hand there's that
In another I'm just looking for redemption I can gain
In exchange for my innocence I really feel ashamed
But this glory that I'm hunting for isn't found on a stage

I love my wife to be more anything nothings changed
Scream it from a roof top in a thunder storm with pouring rain
But sometimes that's not enough
Cuz me and her are both aware I haven't always been a saint

Don't get me started on the in laws
They fully think the worst of me and shiver when they hear my name
But can I honestly complain
From their perspective I'm the villain always taking aim

I don't mind if you don't like me for the rest of time
You only see the part of me you want to see and that's the truth
I think with being this honest dude it's kinda brave
But I'm just tired of living in the past I'll flick the page

I know sometimes I come across really literate
It's hard to sound ok when your feelings saying different
It's hard to wear a smile when's it's empty inside
I feel like this life has just left me to die

I'm feeling everything everyone is against me
I feel the universe holding back to prevent me
Spreading truth in the vocal booth and it's tempting
Carry lies like wet clothes I'm drenched in

I know this shit is unlikely I'm not the type son
Lyrics never pack a punch a zombie fighting Tyson
My personality rubbish I need to buy one
The mountains I need to pass are so high I haven't climbed one

But love and passion is everything that I do it for
The girls and money are stupid bonuses they enforce
I'd rather build a legacy for years ahead of me
And stepping out on stages and drowning from all applause

It's kinda stupid I think that this music's useless
I battle everyday and get no reassuring movement
I get no praise from the people I need it daily
Cuz they don't understand a happy word could fucking save me

I know I'm begging I've nothing left to present you
No options on the table nothing to impress you
It's all a work in progress and this task is moving slow
Sometimes I feel like giving up and moving back home

I feel the walls are caving in
I'm close to heaven now and close to finally facing him
With everything in mind I think I maybe did well
And fuck it son I know it shows I really raised hell

So where the fuck does that leave me
I'm 21 and saying still I'll make it on the TV
But with age my chances are decreasing
I need blessings like I can't stop sneezing

And I can't stop wheezing
I've been running after this for 48 seasons
12 of them ago I had to stop to start grieving
Grandad leave abruptly cuz his lungs stop breathing

So where the fuck does that leave me
I think I'm going nuts cuz this music shit isn't easy
Been chasing after this so long my fucking feet are bleeding
Been stressing over this so long my mental health depleting

All I did was just to please him
And now I feel like throwing in everything I'm achieving
I'm indecisive I'm insecure and I'm overwhelmed
I'm really going through a lot if you could tell