That's Life

Very frequently what I'm doing as a therapist is
Helping people have a life that would work
You know, and you can parameterize that
What do you need?
How about some friends?
How about an intimate relationship?
With someone that you can trust
That maybe has a future
That'd be good
How about a career that puts you
In a dominance hierarchy somewhere
So at least you've got some possibility of rising
Some possibility of stabilizing yourself
And a schedule and a routine
Because no one can live without a routine
You just forget that
If you guys don't have a routine
I would rеcommend, like, you get onе going
Because you cannot be mentally healthy without a routine
You need to pick a time to get up
Whatever time you want
But pick one and stick to it
'Cause otherwise you disregulate you circadian rhythms
They regulate your mood
And eat something in the morning
I had lots of clients who've had anxiety disorders
I had one client who was literally starving
Very smart girl
But there was very little that she liked
She kind of tried to subsist on, like, half a cup of rice a day
And she came to me and said
"I have no energy
I come home all I want to do is watch the same movie
Over and over
Is that weird?"

And I thought, well
It depends on how hard you work
You know, it's
A little weird
But whatever
You need to regulate your use of drugs and alcohol
Most particularly alcohol
'Cause that does in a lot of people
You need a family, like
The family you have
Your parents and all that
It'd be nice if you all got along
You could work on that
That's a good thing to work on
And then, you know
You probably need children at some point
And that's life

And that's life
That's what life is
Human beings have a nature
There's things we need
And that's life
That's what life is
Human beings have a nature
There's things we need

And if you're missing, you know
You may have a good reason to not
Be operating on one of those dimensions
It's not mandatory
But I can tell you that if you're not operating
Reasonably well on at least three of them
There's no way you're going to be
Psychologically thriving
And that's more pragmatic
In some sense than psychological, right?
Human beings have a nature
There's things we need
And if we have them, well, that's good
And if we don't have them
Well, then we feel the lack
And so behaviorists
Behavioral psychologists concentrate
A lot more on that sort of thing
You know, it's practical
It's like, strategize
Make a career plan
Figure out how to negotiate
'Cause that's bloody important
Figure out how to say what you need
Figure out how to tell the truth to people
Figure out how to listen
To your partner, in particular
Because if you listen to them
They will actually tell you what they want
And sometimes you can give it to them
And maybe they'll return the favor
And if you practice that for, like, 15 years
Well, then maybe you're constantly giving each other
What you want
Well, hooray
That would be good
And then there's two of you, under most circumstances
And it's better to have two brains than one
Because people think differently
Because of their temperament, mostly
And so the negotiation is where the wisdom arises
And it's part of the transformation
The psychological transformation That's attendant
On an intimate relationship
And one of the fundamental purposes of a longterm
Intimate relationship

And that's life
That's what life is
Human beings have a nature
There's things we need
And that's life
That's what life is
Human beings have a nature
There's things we need