A Strange Loop

I am the story's writer
I'm barely scraping by
I wake up every morning
I tell myself to try

I say no compromises
I claim to have a plan
But feel like nothing more than
An angsty, gay, black man

Who looks into the mirror
Despite the grief it brings
Who hears these sloppy S's
Betray him as he sings

Sometimes I feel so ugly
Sometimes I feel so smart
Some people stand together
Meanwhile I stand apart

Should I give up on hoping?
My point of view will shift
And let this agony
Just be my greatest gift

But if that is the secret
That makes, like, zero sense
I'll never change forever
If I stay in the fence

With doubts I let define me
And lust I can't express
And pain I keep avoiding
And rage that I repress

I should stop overthinking
And do the thing that's tough
Unleash my hungry lion
'Cause, Lord, he's had enough

Of toxic Tyler Perry
And white, gay, male tyranny
And my secret inner white girl
Though she is dear to me

But would that be sufficient?
Or would that be a sham?
'Cause even with those actions
I'm stuck with who I am

Someone whose self-perception
Is based upon a lie
Someone whose only problem
Is with the pronoun 'I'

Maybe I don't need changing
Maybe I should regroup
'Cause change is just an illusion
(Just an illusion, just an illusion)
And 'I' is just an illusion
(Just an illusion, just an illusion)
If thoughts are just an illusion
(Just an illusion, just an illusion)
Then what a strange- (strange, strange)
Strange loop