Birch

Living with the memory in the glass
Everything is so white in the past
Can't see everything I try to be
Just ends up failing in front of me

Brown hair, brown eyes, can't compare someone's soul by size
So I'm living with the floorboards buried with our childhood lies

Out by the back where our dog used to sing
Place me next to him, well never speak of this again

I found lust in petty smiles, I got lost in you for awhile
The ghost by the chair, looking at us still pulling out my hair
I was the residence of your bed, the emotions you never fed
Even at this point in life, my psychiatrist says I was better off dead

So little white birch, come grow on my spine
Be the one who says you'll always be mine
But the fire inside never burns that bright
Dim with the shadows, a soul not insight

Being a wallflower is far from new to me
It's blasphemy, yeah thinking this is what love could be
Suicidal thoughts creeping up the back my neck
Hanging the noose with good intentions and a welfare check

Maybe I've just been
Pushing too much, trying to get better

But you know I don't 'cause I'm sinking further
Down with my aspirations wrapped around my ankle
Skin me alive just to find something worth saving
But you don't so you leave me here

Living with the memory in the glass
Everything is so white in the past
Can't see everything I try to be
Just ends up failing in front of me

Brown hair, brown eyes, can't compare someone's soul by size
So I'm living with the floorboards buried with our childhood lies

I'll park in the driveway, where this rain never seems to end
Flooded gutters, flooded eyes, stories of a time where we could mend
But seriously since when did anxiety become too much to swallow
My back burner is burning a hole straight through
My bones and it's leaving me hollow

I guess I'm just calling to say I'm thinking about you lately
With dreams of dying, I was stupid to think that you would change me
I became used to breathing nicotine every time our lips seem to touch
I guess this is a stretch, but black lungs never really meant much

I never did really mean that much, did I?
I never really meant that much to you

Place my mind inside your shelf, now I'm living in the hell
Everything's just pushing back and forth dissociating
Feeling fucked, again, I'll rot, not mend
I'll see you staring back at me through the car window

Smiling like I was all yours
Oh yeah, you know I am

Living with the memory in the glass
Everything is so white in the past
Can't see everything I try to be
Just ends up failing in front of me

Brown hair, brown eyes, can't compare someone's soul by size
So I'm living with the floorboards buried with our childhood lies