A Reflection

Waiting for retirement is like a destination without a journey
It's impossible to enjoy what wasn't worked, for at least me
But what do I know?
I haven't been alive very long, and I missed the point all along
Not to accomplish but to live, to love and to enjoy

'Cause we cannot function without the distraction of survival
So it becomes self-centered and goal-oriented regimented lies become bias
Regenerated lessons to not realize, sometimes boredom is a privilege
It means you'll put your guard down, but it makes it easy to lose yourself
If it's that easy to lose who you are, you might not be anyone at all
So allow yourself to feel loved

Hope, enjoy, exist, fail an' attempt because you're worth that, I promise
And wallowin' in what is not will not change what is
And I don't need depression, but I can live with it
But let me have my sadness, it's part of a bigger picture
Let me have my joy, my confusion, my compassion
'Cause I'd rather feel complete than feel accomplished
'Cause I wanna feel like I'm living in the moment

So don't let the record of what you do be more important than what you do
Disconnect from the false narrative, the digital journeys filled with blind spots
And ask yourself, "What do you desire?"
If it's control, maybe you miss the point, so let it be life
As much as possible, let yourself be loved
And then you can learn how to love others

I wanna open up about my failures, but I'm afraid of leaving any blood in the water
And love my leak back to removing myself from a gracious circle of friends
I wanna call my friends more often, but I don't wanna feel like I'm a bother
And I wanna stop changing the course of my heart every time it feels like I've hit a dead end

I reconnected with my faith in God when my convictions cut too close to the bone
And I've learnt to let the narrative play out if you wanna avoid the blue bag
And don't believe in time just because it helps you not to feel so alone
I felt the words that were illogical but popular
Moments that were fabricated but offered more
And I left a lot of phone calls empty 'cause I couldn't pick up that phone

I want my life to be the worship that I thought it was before I began
I wanna live the gospel that I believe in, but not one that was written by my own hands
I want the narrative of truth to be more important than the narrative of success
But I've fallen so far, I don't know if I can find myself again

See, I disagree, I think a lot of that feels very fake and just disingenuous
In what way?
It doesn't, it just doesn't-
It is like a disconnect for me, it just doesn't feel like
"He believes in all that he has been saying"
And not like uh, like totally the delivery is off
It just feels like, you know
You were just reading that for the sake of writing it
It just doesn't feel very-

You feel a little bit more like you were being preached to?
Yeah, then maybe
I'm actually gonna have to disagree with you, okay
I think, over the course of his career and with his last few albums
Like he actually...