As My Friend

I am kind of at a dilemma, um
I don't know if you really give a shit or not, but, like
Here we fucking go again
Hopefully, it turns out better this time, but, like, ugh
I'm not really sure how that's gonna fucking
Ugh

I'm in love with a girl that doesn't love me back
At least, I don't think that she does
But I'm not really sure
In fact, a thought just occurred
She's never as specific as she used to be
She never outright said she doesn't like me
She never said she doesn't have feelings for me
But then again, she never said that she did

From time to time, she'll joke about us maybe having kids
Maybe even us living together
I mean, she says it is what it is
If we were ever to get back together

It might not happen now, but she never said never
She never said that she found someone better
It's not like I need her to say that to me, though
That's not that really reassuring for me, 'cause
I kinda got a feeling stirring in me that there's
There's not, she, ugh

There's something she's not sharing with me, guys
And I don't know what it is
And it's kind of been keeping me up at night
And that's never good for, like, anyone involved, 'cause, like

She's my best friend, but she's also my ex
She's my favorite person, my biggest regret
And the cutest person that I've ever met
And the best chance I'll probably ever get
The perfect friend, the perfect girl, my perfect world
We're perfect, I think we're perfect, I think she's perfect
But I still get fucking nervous, 'cause, like

I really think I like her, but I'm sure I'm just lonely
And it really seems like she's really the only
Girl who gives a flying shit about me
The only girl that I could see holding my hand
She held it before, left me wanting more
Head on her chest, inch from the floor
I looked in her eyes, and I leaned towards her
And then I stopped like a fucking bitch
And I fucked up the moment, yes, I did.

Moment ruined, such a fucking idiot
She doesn't want to kiss me, how could I not see it?
If she wanted to be mine, then she would be it
I'm waiting for a moment, even though, like
I'm pretty sure she's over me
She doesn't want to be with me
But yet, she's never said that
She's had so many chances to say that

So now, I'm just fucking confused
It's like adding two plus two plus two and getting fucking three
I just wanna know if she still loves me
The way that I love her, the way it used to be
Or am I just a fucking slut chasing after fucking memories
Of a time that was what it could've been
If I wasn't such a fucking bitch
Who lived, like, a thousand fucking miles away

Then maybe I could kiss her face
And hold her tight inside my arms
And keep her safe from any harm
And tell her she's the only girl I really fucking want
I figured it out, I'm just a motherfucking cunt

Let me just be a little blunt
I'm lonely because everytime I try to move on
I compare all the girls to you
'Cause I'm scared that what I had with you, I'll never have again
The truest love I get is lost inside you as my friend

Maybe I'm scared
I'm a little unprepared to accept that
Maybe this is just the end, but

I don't wanna play pretend
I do not want us to end
I still love being your friend, but
I can't help thinking that you and I should
Be a little bit more
I know I sound like a desperate whore, but
When you look at the facts
That's really all I kind of am

So you're not far off from the fucking truth
I just need to hear the fucking truth
So, please, come on upfront, just tell me
Do you fucking love me?

'Cause I love you
At least, I think that I do
I'm not really sure, this is all kind of new
I'm kidding, this is, like,
the 27th fucking time we've been through this
Oh my god, why can't I just figure out that
You like me as a friend?
And that's really all we're supposed to be
'Cause you do not fucking like me

But yet you've never said that, so, like
You can get why I'm kind of confused, right?
I mean, that's just, that's not me, right?
I mean, that,
that's a little bit on you as well, you know, 'cause, like,
You gotta be upfront
Don't be a cunt
I sound Australian the amount of times I'm saying cunt
And I barely know what that word even means

Okay, I'm done with this
This is so fucking stupid