I'm Afraid

I wrote this song to discover what I really feel
Because sometimes when I'm with you I just can't get real with myself
I can't tell you what's really on my mind Something feels stuck, I feel repressed, I
feel closed I'm not saying it's your fault, in fact it's probably mine
But I wrote this out to discover what's going on in this rhyme

I wrote this song for you and nobody else
The truth is I don't know who I am by myself
Who's been by my side four years, no one else
Knows me better than you my sickness and my health
The good and the bad that both live in my breast
All the problems I have, the real smell of my breath
The fact that I'm secretive, the mask that I'm wearing
The lies I keep hidden while the whole world is staring
Sometimes I feel embarrassed at the person I've become
So concerned what other people think in other words dumb
I'm heading to the bar cause I heard they serve rum
Feel my life's been ripped apart, and I'm on my third one, see
When I met you I was very religious
My perspective was infected, my emotions in prison
Now I feel them overflowing and I don't know their limits
Wonder what would happen if I tell you all that I'm thinking

I'm afraid of the changes that I see I'm afraid of the changes inside me
I'm afraid that I won't wake up, that my mind's made up
But I'm too afraid to follow through
I'm afraid of the changes that I see
I'm afraid of the changes inside me
I'm afraid that I won't wake up, that my mind's made up
But I'm too afraid to follow through

On the real, you're attached to my heart
Who said love was fucking easy, man, this battle is hard
We're both questioning our motives, why should we remain together
Are we scared of being lonely? Is there someone who is better
Alternating hot and cold, we are like the weather
I'm sure that we are growing, I'm not sure if it's together
I wonder what I'd write to you if I wrote you a letter
Would I show you who I am? Would I hide myself forever
I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out now
Who I really am when the lights go out
Do I like that clown? Does he write profound
Do I like who I become when your light's around
It's hard to tell, but I'm really searching for an answer
I feel I'm getting closer, every motherfucking stanza
I hide the music cause in real life I just cannot manage
Do not wanna do it, but sometimes that doesn't fucking matter

I'm afraid of the changes that I see
I'm afraid of the changes inside me
I'm afraid that I won't wake up
That my mind's made up, but I'm too afraid to follow through
I'm afraid of the changes that I see
I'm afraid of the changes inside me
I'm afraid that I won't wake up
That my mind's made up, but I'm too afraid to follow through

I'm petrified
I'm sitting here in the studio, I'm crying
I'm looking at your Instagram pictures and you look so beautiful
And I don't know why, when I'm with you in person
I just can't see that same beautiful person
I don't know why I haven't been able to express myself
To feel what's going on in my heart
To tell you that I love you