We Will All Go Together When We Go

I am reminded at this point of a fellow I used to know
Whose name was Henry
Only to give you an idea of what an individualist he was
He spelled it H-E-N-3-R-Y
The 3 was silent, you see

Henry
Henry was financially independent
Having inherited his father's tar-and-feather business
And was therefore able to devote his full time
To such intellectual pursuits as writing
I particularly remember a heart-warming novel of his
About a young necrophiliac who finally achieved
His boy-hood ambition by becoming coroner

The rest of you can look it up when you get home
In addition to writing, he indulged in a good deal of philosophizing
Like so many contemporary philosophers
He especially enjoyed giving helpful advice to people
Who were happier than he was
And one huh

One particular bit of advice which I recall
Which is the reason I bring up this whole dreary story
Is something he said once before they took him away
To the Massachusetts state home for the bewildered
He said, "Life is like a sewer
What you get out of it depends on what you put into it"

It's always seems to me that this is precisely
The sort of dynamic, positive thinking
That we so desperately need today
In these trying times of crisis and universal brouhaha
And so with this in mind
I have here a modern positive dynamic uplifting song
In the tradition of the great old revival hymns
This one might more accurately be termed a survival hymn
It goes like this

When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner or later
Those you love will do the same for you
And you may have thought it tragic
Not to mention other adjectives
To think of all the weeping they will do
But don't you worry

No more ashes, no more sackcloth
And an armband made of black cloth
Will some day never more adorn a sleeve
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too
There'll be nobody left behind to grieve

And we will all go together when we go
Oh, what a comforting fact that is to know
Universal bereavement, an inspiring achievement
Yes, we all will go together when we go

We will all go together when we go
All suffuse with an incandescent glow
No one will have the endurance to collect on his insurance
Lloyd's of London will be loaded when they go

Oh, we will all fry together when we fry
We'll be french fried potatoes by and by
There will be no more misery, when the world is our rotisserie
Yes, we will all fry together when we fry

Down by the old maelstrom
There'll be a storm before the calm
And we will all bake together when we bake
There'll be nobody present at the wake
With complete participation in that grand incineration
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak

Oh, we will all char together when we char
And let there be no moaning of the bar
Just sing out a tedium when you see that I-C-B-M
And the party will be "come as you are"

Oh, we will all burn together when we burn
There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn
When it's time for the fallout and saint peter calls us all out
We'll just drop our agendas and adjourn

You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas
Go directly, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars

And we will all go together when we go
Every Hottentot and every Eskimo
When the air becomes Uranius
And we will all go simultaneous

Yes, we all will go together
When we all go together
Yes, we all will go together when we go