The Regression Suite

I don't know (How) it slowly takes control
It bubbles up inside and hollows out my mind
All I see is what we used to be
Every moment clear - I'm all alone I fear

Come and see my mental home movies
I never am the star - the villain though by far
A good day can slowly waste away
And all that it takes (Is) regression into...

Regression asks so much of me
But, through it I'm finding out who I'm s'posed to be
Look hard - the pain disguises the way home
I'm growing, can't you see?
I'm breathing off misery...

My enemy my memory has turned out to be
For me to learn and grow - this black pain I must know
I will go on - I cannot stay down that long!
But, why must it arrive? Regression into...

Regression takes a shot at me
But would it rip me apart - I won't wait 'round to see

Gone. Confined to the past
I had placed it here
There was no more to fear
Try to breath again...
I could smell victory!
I must leave the memory!

I hadn't counted on you coming back to insert yourself into my mind
The day of days was hollowed out
I can feel the sensation coming back...

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory
Regression it asked so much of me
Waiting for it just to fall in front of me
Regression it asked...

Would you be the last?
I must learn this past
Another hear broke too fast
I must make this learning last...

I look up and look in
There's no way out of this mess, unless I cease to regress
"Hi" rubs salt in the wound
But, the wound is closing to - there's not much the salt can do!

I recommend to anyone a feeling just like this
But, I've grown up and out
No longer will I live this creed

Burn!
The feeling it returns
Another form
My stomach churns

Fright - awaken in the night
The feeling drags all to our knees

Make your first big new mistake
Concern arise
Life meeting death

Pray you don't go down this way
Affairs of heart
Hard to replace

Give it away
Trust it away
Know when to stay
Not know to stay

Retain!
Duality remains
The heart explodes
Awaken death

Refrain!
Don't board the next train
To let it die
The eyes forget

Enjoy the way
We band to save
Know it will waste
Not know to wait

Wait... before it gets too late
This powerless feeling is not my piece of fate
Now I see, I think that this could be
The temptation rising up to put my trust in me
Looking inward I start to identify
Sharp edges that must go

Try to turn around again
Make a massive change - deny the regression
In my weakness You have strength
But for that be, I must kneel
And give it all away

Lay my body down
To be worked upon
Unlocking doors that I barred up
And leave no stone unturned
For me to learn and grow
This black pain I must know
If I consider what I've lost
I'll know how much I own...

Run the race into life
There are hills and valleys along the way
Pick your feet up - rise again
You'll be floored many more times yet
It's not the fastest or the highest
You can't measure life from pace
The only way into life
Is intent to always move ahead one step at a time...

Turn away into life
Walk ahead to a light
I know there is no other way

Stand me up to the light
I cast a shadow black as anything
Stand me up to another man
More oft than not I bet I'd pale against the human candle
But, this I see is a part of me
A need to measure when the measuring's done
Just let it go - move on by
One foot ahead of the other - go on, distance yourself

We elect few that walk on by
The race is won, we are sure of it
We are deceptive in our size
We are weighed, never counted
When the end-line, I meet
I will see a win I should never have
For the sweat was never mine
Once I knew this I only ran ahead step after step after step...

Father, hear these words brought from the hole I'm in
Call to arms to level out the Transgression... yeah!

One ear to the diagnostic whisperings
A hole is found that will cause the end of things
It's not just the blood loss from the hole that stings
So much more, the infection of guilt it brings!

Discovering the fresh wound, I end its sin
But I'm left with feeling faint - the drag begins
Effectiveness lessens as I'm drawn within
I can't fight with parasites beneath the skin

It envelops me - moves to sink its teeth
I try to thrash against its theme, but I am left a reeling
Will not allow myself to give it away
Refuse to give in... fight on through the pain...

It's only with open eyes that I see
I could never win this fight - stupid me
As I fade, God kicks in, brings it peace
Its only when I am strong that He feels weak

There is now no condemnation for those who
Are in Christ for he has met the debt of sin
Father, hear these words brought from the hole I'm in
Call to God to level out the Transgression... yeah!

With sudden panic I recall the dire state of others
My trepidation at the reckoning
A fear that I keep hidden underneath the surface
Under my lazy Christianity
For on the day of Sunrise, will I stand all alone?
Or can I scrape a meager offering?
I feel the pressure building - "I am responsible"
Who can I drag next, kicking, screaming?

God's a big boy - He can handle
All unbelief, all our scandal
When all we know passes away
He will gather all, will gather all

I am blocked by people moving on, by all the changing weather
By that the regular is comforting
How can I plead the choices - to activate the hole
To always pray to gather kindling?
Does God not see panic? Surely I am not alone
There must be others out there struggling!
I feel the pressure mounting - who is responsible?
The halls of men could soon be emptying...

Wait for a world that cannot be
The plan to separate all things
Is it what we did?
Is all-love hindered?
I must trust that in the end I'll see
But - am I free?

Forcing words that should not come
Broke the line again have I
Musing once more will take its place
As I wait...

I allow my heart to break, to weigh injury against the sand
Conjuring to bring a new regression - another type
I stir the broth; produce the words that paint me in a separate light
All the while ignoring the person I was meant to be!

Forced an outcome again
Pushed a line up to its end
I have learnt to cloud my virtue
Too much I'm using my own strength...

I've just seen a circle that would crush me if I dwell in there
The fact that I must live this life again, again, again, again...
It's only now that I see it - the repetition's crystal clear
A disconnect that heralds: this is not the plan that God created!

I just fell in line with another
Someone old I'd put to the cover
Not sure how useful it was
To dredge him again
It took four lots of wrong to discover
That I liked to write of my lover
Create another type of song
Write it a hundred times...
Give up!

Now I see how much I can wither
Make my spirit blister and splinter
Not sure how useful it is
Regress another time
I see now the goals of another
I see now how much I can cover
Lift my eyes up from the page
Write it a hundred days...
Get up!

Reincarnation is real

Not the 'I-was-Napoleon-in-a-former-life' crap
Or 'if-I-don't-behave-myself-I'll-come-back-as-a-turtle-or-something'
But the idea that every year - every day!
You have the power to reinvent yourself
To become something new, something greater

You have the choice to cut off things
That make you less than you ought to be
And become 'reincarnated' as a new version of you
Something closer to what God made you to be

I don't know (How)
I let it take control
To always gaze inside
It hollowed out my mind

I have moved on
Ironically with a song
As beautiful as Your Size
Progression into You

Regression, it has no claim on me
Now that I'm new again, I won't wait around to see
Look how despite I found my way home
I'm growing, can't you see
Especially now I'm free...