Ballad for a Hospitality Worker

I walk into work, it's a Saturday night
I've been dreading this all day, it's taken all my might
I look to my left
I see twelve children running around, dropping crumbs on the ground

Their parents are sitting at a table close-by
With a bottle of wine and a big underlying
Negligence for their kids
Who are running amok, they just broke a lamp

Yes I can see you there, waving to get my attention
But please understand
When you're sitting idle, I'm less homicidal
And service just goes hand-in-hand
Thanks for that tip that you didn't leave
It's not like I get underpaid
And it's not like your table was simply unable,
Considering your pompous parade

Tell me again how you're gluten free
But somehow you're fine with a schooner, or three
Relax, sit down
This steak's just as vegan as the fur coat you're wearing

"Excuse me this table isn't big enough for three"
Well ma'am the one that you're pointing to, you see
It's set, for six
So of course you can sit there, you space-greedy ...

Finally, a day off. Haven't had one in weeks, I forgot what it's like...
But wait. My phone rings
"Can you come in tonight? We're knee deep in shit"
Who needs a rest instead of crippling exhaustion?

"Can I try this one?"
Sure sir, here's a taste
"Nah, don't like it. What about this one?"
Sure sir, here's a taste
"Too hoppy. What's this one?"
Here sir, have a taste
"Too sweet. What's ya best beer on tap?"
What, you want to try another one?
By now you've had about a pint for free
"Actually ya know what I think I'll just grab a stubbie of VB"

We come to the end, I've brought you the bill
The bar's half closed, the kitchen's gone home
It's time, to leave...
"Can I get a quarter strength extra hot skinny cappuccino?"