Depression

Constantly entangled in the trenches of depression
Trying to find my way out also trying to skip the sessions that I
Know could probably help me but don't wanna learn that lesson
Trying to do it on my own don't want no one else to step in
Step up or step round the way is only through
I know this cause I live it why should I tell it to you
So you can give me exercises put my brain on loops of
Regurgitated responses to stupid questions like how are you
How am I oh how am I I've been wondering too
Cause lately I don't know I beat myself all black and blue
I cant seem to find answer in this thing I call my mind
Excusing my behavior saying timing is divine but
Divinity don't matter when you're dancing with the devil
Been digging my own grave and probably won't put down this shovel
Any time soon this monsoon
Is rushing at my feet trying to blow me over
But the last thing I'm calling's defeat
Reciprocated memories that haunt me in my sleep
Sometimes I watch my own dreams like a movie on repeat
I never get to the ending though the water's way too deep and
I'm digging my own grave while the ocean swallows me
I used to have it all together
Never thought I'd be someone to
Struggle with this shit forever
But the older that I get I
Swear these demons get more clever
Making their way to the surface
And it doesn't matter the weather
Anymore
It started out as seasonal yeah seasonal depression
But then the flowers bloomed and still my head was stuck
Possessed man
And summer used to be my favorite now it just seems bright
I come out of my dim lit cave and squint at the sunlight
The irony inside a name my sunshine's coming soon
I put that after Devin so someday it would come true
I promise that I'm trying doing all I know to do
Sometimes I just think I'm smarter than I am
Who's fooling who
I've strayed so far I don't know anymore what I believe in
Maybe I need God maybe I need to
Play nice with my demons
Or maybe I just need to shut the fuck up and pretend
It's going well for you ain't it
I'll see you at the end