The Jest

Used to be my bond with music was so strong
Sidelined out the game, now it's been so long
What went wrong? Maybe I was trying too hard to belong?
Or really just too avant-garde all along?
I get too weird, like Van Gogh, but two-eared
Judgements glue-smeared between words cohered
To elucidate and make clear, what I think
About being confounded, and vastly feeling outta sync
With my surroundings, and aptly proceeding to sink
Until I'm drowning, madly flailing in the dizzying drink
And to think, maybe a party weekend leaves you over-weakened?
(Ah-hem!) Intriguing! That must be the sober speaking
Not to judge the life you're leading. No competing
I just decided long ago that life was fleeting
And there's no use repeating, the same events every evening
I'm more into gleaning what my mind and will can make when meeting

My mind can't control where it goes, and it shows...
I guess I'll follow where it flows...

Don't talk to me about all of this newness
When I'm getting older, and still feeling fruitless
And the truth is it all's just starting to feel useless
Self-critical stuff that I wrestle with though this
To lessen this muteness, I make myself speak out
But I'm not exactly ruthless, or about the clout
Tend to dabble more in foolish, and apparent self-doubt
So to the weird and to the different, I remain devout
Cause I never really cared to dress cool or possess jewels
I've come to realize that I'm already such a blessed fool
Rose above the cesspool, took notes up at the best school
But not on paper, cause life's true shapers are ancestral
It's those who see life as a jest who'll be redeeming
The true view of just being, a world beyond the need of agreeing
And not that life should be stressful or demeaning
But even when it is, deep in that stress you'll find the meaning