Letters

I wish there was something to save me
Someone to pick me up when I'm on my knees
I wish you were still here with me
But I'll fight and fight in your loving memory
Hopelessly seeking for my place
In this world in between my nightmares
I wish I'll find some comfort
In this cold and painful life
Head full of forbidden memories
An empty hole replaced my heart
There's beauty in this morbid discomfort
In this horrid feeling of loneliness
I wish I wasn't in distress
I wish the beacon was right there
But I can't see through this fog
This poisonous mist devouring my thoughts
Some paper and fire
I'll burn all these letters!

Walking on this tight rope
Unable to see this
Brighter future
You promised me
Falling in reverse
I can't keep my head up
I wish you could see
What I tried to accomplish

I stopped dreaming
A while ago
I wont forget
I wont accept
I am broken
I am ashamed

This suffering is killing me
I wish I could feel again
This sympathy you once showed me
But now I know there's no way back
In my nightmare I'll see you again
In my dreams I'll love you again

Screaming for your help I lost my voice
I'm so confused
What should I do?
I swore to fight
And to never give up
I'll keep my promises
Even if you're gone

For once in my entire life
I'd like to open up without hiding myself
Behind a wall of romanticised allegories and images
Talk about the pain I've been through for a decade now
This is just me, writing an open letter to myself
To tell me that's it's okay to be wrong
It's okay to be sad and to feel low
But it's never okay to give up and let your demons put you six feet deep
I just want to talk to you, to me, to everyone in this goddamn World
Everyone looking for a safe place to finally rest their mind
It's never too late to start fighting
And I've only learned this when I thought I gave up
Tried to kill myself to avoid seeing these thoughts
That are killing me each and every fucking day of my life
I gave up, woke up, broken, in this Hospital
Away from everything, just me, my books, my thoughts and my medicines
I had time to reflect and to get back my will to fight
So I chose to never give up again and to win this fight
I chose to rebuild myself from scratch
For you, that I call my friend, for you, that I call my Brother
For you, that I used to call my lover who had to give up on me to save yourself
This is all for you!
To you, my mother, my father, my brother and my sister!
To you my friend who left me here six years ago and I swore to never forget
To you who joined her a few months ago
To you who I broke the heart by not being enough
Who I swore to give everything I ever own
That I loved and cherished more than everything for every fucking day of my entire life
To you that I call my friend but would love to call my Sweetheart
To you that I promised a lot of things and let you all down
To you, the family I've chosen, this huge and caring family
I'm sorry
I'm sorry I've been so weak
I'm sorry I've let you down
But this fucking song is the end of an era, and the beggining of a new one
By wipping off the last tears from my face
I'm saying farewell to the old me
This is my swan song
My apologies
My rebirth
Some paper and fire, I'll burn all these letters
Some paper and fire, I'll burn all these letters