Mystifying

When you look into my eyes, what do you see
I see nothing staring back every time
If I let you in my mind then would you trust me
You'd say no I think this time you've crossed the line

I think it's mystifying
We were trying
That long even after all I did
And there's no justifying
All the lying
I'm the reason why we had to end

It's been dead for months but still I feel an aching
The aftershocks of us keep shaking town
Just the thought of you could send my body quaking
Well there I go again I'm breaking down

And still it's mystifying
Tearless crying
Internalized the pain keeps setting in
And every day I'm dying
The cost of trying
Is far too much a risk to take again

I want to lock it up and leave it all behind
Disappear this burden from my mind
But I can't it creeps up over time
And sends me crawling crying
Ever since I woke up in my bed
All I wanted was for the day to end
So I could fall asleep again
Instead of waking falling
No one can hear the calling
The kind of calling creeping
No crying while you're sleeping

No it's not mystifying
Done denying
Dug my grave so now I get to sit
I think I'm horrifying
It's justifying
I'm the one who left myself like this