Simp Detector

Well ma'am, the lab results came back and
This is hard to say but
Your son tested highly on our simp scale
Oh goodness gracious
But doctor, what does it even mean to be a simp?
Well son, allow me to explain

If you're only being nice
'Cause you wanna lay the pipe
You're a simp
You're a simp, you're a simp
When you pay for all the clothes
And then she says, "Thank you, bro"
You're a simp
You're a simp, you're a simp

You're a simp, you're a simp
No you've never been a pimp
You're a simp
You're a simp, you're a simp
Got no game, you's a lame
And that's why we ran a train on your bitch
You're a simp, you're a simp

Ayy, but don't worry kid
There's no need to stress
'Cause I know a way to make these hoes obsessed
You're trying too hard, this shit ain't complex
All you gotta do is just follow these steps

Don't cry like a bitch when she leaves you on read
Just focus on getting some money instead
When you pull up on her and flexing some bread
In a matter of moments, her legs will be spread

Once you get some cash, then work on your drip
You can't pull no hoes in that basic ass fit
Just cop you some ice to put on your wrist
And take of those cargo shorts, they look like shit

While we're on the topic, your hair needs some help
'Cause right now it looks like you cut it yourself
You better not pull up if you got a bowl cut
'Cause they gon' be laughing like, "What, are you twelve?"

Just one more step and then you'll be done
This battle's over, your war is won
You'll soon be proud of what you've become
Just listen up for rule number one

If you're tryna smash don't beg and plead
She won't let you fuck if you're on your knees
Stand up strong, don't be so weak
It ain't even hard, repeat after me

No, I won't do your homework just 'cause you hate math
And I'm not giving you a ride to your big date with Chad
Don't put pussy up on a pedestal, 'cause that shit is lame
And for any guy that does, I've got one thing left to say

You're a simp, you're a simp
No, you've never been a pimp
You're a simp
You're a simp, you're a simp
Got no game, you's a lame
And that's why we ran a train on your bitch
You're a simp, you're a simp

Oh my goodness, doctor
I never knew I could have so many bitches on my dick
You're my hero
I'm just doing my job, son