Scared

Huht!
Uh, yeah
Yeah
I ain't comin' in, yet
Look

Look, when I was four, I was fightin' for my life
They stabbed me up, with needles, tried to get the treatment right
I was scared, I was dyin', like the kid, the other night
'Cause, he ain't get the same meds, that I did on the fight
And now, he's dead

Man, that should've been me
Like, what if he was that dude, who could'a cured a disease?
Or figured out a way to save us, when the Earth'd deplete?
Or then, became the fuckin' president, who nurtured, in peace?

I just don't get it, 'cause, I ain't livin' my life
Man, all I do is sit at home, and fuckin' bitch, when I write
Then, fuck a bitch, every night, instead of pickin' 'em right
'Cause, in my past, every girl I had, was pickin' a fight

And, it made me nervous

My circuit's are shot, and I don't care
I'm tryna find the words, that'll surface, and find air
I'm workin', to feel worth it, I'm hurt, and it's not fair
'Cause, I feel like I been searchin' for purpose, that's not there

And now, I'm scared
Yeah, unh, look
And now, I'm scared

And, I 'on't like to talk about my feeling's
'Cause, the man, inside the mirror
Got some demons, muh'fucker

And, I'm scared
Yeah, unh
And now, I'm scared

But, I been actin' like I'm okay
Even though, deep inside, I been lost in my mind

And, I'm scared

But, I'm alive and well
Well, I'm alive, but I'm far from well
So, the doctors say I need to focus more on my health
Because, I rap to help you, but it ain't helpin' myself
I keep myself pinned down, with the words that I've spit
Instead of movin' past pain, I indulge in the shit, huht

Look, you prob'ly thinkin' it's hot
But, it caused my anxiety, and that shit don't stop
Man, I can't even leave my house, so I hide in my room
'Cause, everybody in my town, talks down on me, too
They see me as a fuckin' rapper, some delusional goon
And, judge me, based off every lyric, not the shit that I do

And, it made me pissed

I'm bitchin', but, shit, it's just not fair
I'm itchin' for the figures, I figured, it's right there
The bigger picture, I've painted is failin' to find air
'Cause, the genre's started changin', my brain is just not there

And now, I'm scared
Yeah, unh, look
And now, I'm scared

So, I 'on't leave my room, too often
Man, it's too much talkin' 'round my name, muh'fucker

Now, I'm scared
Yuh, unh
And now, I'm scared

I 'on't do well, when I'm lonely
But, I'm always by myself, and maybe that's the reason

That I'm scared

For my family, and friends, that I made
'Cause, death is just around the corner, that could happen, today
And shit, I couldn't even fathom what my family would say
If they seen me, layin' dead, in my casket, one day

I seen my parents, last week, I ain't seen 'em in months
Shit, my mom looked nervous, 'cause I'm hangin' with thugs
And she's scared I'll OD, 'cause I got into drugs
So, before I thought to leave, I went and gave her a hug
And, she latched on

Like, she won't see me, again
I got a feelin' that the reason is the shit that I said
I tell my fans, everyday, that I wish I was dead
So, I can finally be in peace, instead of dealin', with dread

And, it made me mad

I'm passin' the pain, to my own fam
I've stacked all the odds, in my favor, to make rap
Now, I'm laughin' about passin', and, havin' a whole gram
'Cause, I'm lackin' all the passion I had, and it's so sad

And now, I'm scared